One Birthday Down, Hopefully Many to Go

After a good week or so of thinking and two days of pretty non-stop cleaning and preparing, River’s first birthday party is over. I would say it was a success. We squeezed 10 adult and 7 young toddlers into our very limited space, the food was good and people seemed to have a good time.

I prepared one of River’s favorite dishes, borsht (and blended up a pureed batch for babies), together with a wonderful sweet potato salad and a fairly healthy carrot cake that turned out very well. We made pomegranate daiquiris for the adults, which was a nice treat.

Perhaps next year we’ll start the number of guests = number of years formula. But this year, since the party was more for the parents than for the kids, we ignored it. We did limit the guest list to people with small children though, so they all had something in common and seemed to enjoy talking together.

I don’t think we’ve had any real get-togethers at our place since River was born. I think we spent around $125 for the food, cocktails, non-alcoholic drinks, flowers, balloons and a few random supplies. We didn’t do much in the way of decorations, beside a foil balloon tied to River’s high chair and a couple of balloons taped to the wall. That worked out well because most of the babies were entranced by balloons, like River is. We could offer them a balloon to take home when they left, which several seemed to like.

I asked people not to bring gifts and instead, to bring a drink or side dish. That was helpful in making sure that everyone could find at least one thing they liked or were allowed to eat. Despite the request for no gifts (which I repeated twice), three people brought them anyway. Those people wanted River to open their gifts. I tried to do it off to the side, so that those who didn’t bring gifts wouldn’t feel bad.

I’ve heard that some people just ignore a “no gifts” request because they assume everyone else will bring gifts and then they will feel bad. As someone who requested “no gifts” I don’t think the people who brought nothing for River should feel bad at all. I’m glad they came. I’m glad they contributed something to eat. I’m glad we spent a nice time together. That’s it.

I didn’t feel like people should be spending their money to get River something when his needs are already met. Especially in these times, I think many people have more important things to spend their money on. I also didn’t want to encourage the baby consumption culture.

River’s reaction to his party was part pleased and part muted. When we brought him down from his nap, before the guests arrived, he was thrilled to see all of the balloons. He hadn’t slept as long during his nap as I’d hoped, so he wasn’t fully rested when the guests arrived. We put him in his highchair and filled the table with food for him. That kept him happy for a long time. He looked out at the noise and the commotion fairly dazed, but not requiring much attention. That left Mark and I free to visit with and serve our guests. We put a little birthday crown and bib we’d inherited on him when I brought out the cake. I gave him a piece to do with as he pleased. He picked off the frosting first, then ate the cake. He seemed to be pleased with his carrot cake, as did the guests, and it didn't make much of a mess, even eaten with fingers.

I don’t know whether it was the sugar from his first-ever piece of cake or the excitement, but he wouldn’t nap after the party and I had a surprisingly difficult time getting him down. At 8 p.m. he was still crawling around.

He was pretty much back into his normal routine today, though the balloons and the new toys seemed to make him happy. I’m sure the party has already faded into oblivion. But we now have a few photos to keep as mementos. Best of all, which I suppose is the whole purpose at this age, we all had a good time.

The first year approaches its end

River’s first birthday is fast approaching and it’s time for me to accept that he truly is almost a year old. That doesn’t seem like it should be such a difficult task, but I find myself contemplating it with wonder.

When he was born, one year seemed so far away. I knew he’d grow so much, learn so much and develop profoundly in that time. And here it is – what I see in front of me is just about what my one-year birthday boy will be like.

This past weekend we visited a friend and her two-week old baby. Seeing a newborn only reinforced the vast changes that have taken place in the past twelve months. That little baby’s wrists couldn’t have been much more than an inch in circumference. He glanced around but was still so fragile and new. He relied completely on his mother and father, who gave him the security and love he needed.

River in contrast is strong and solid, has rolls of baby fat, has an incredible ability to search out food, and will establish eye contact and throw his complete trust onto whoever is nearby, making people want to help him. We left him with relatives for the entire day on Saturday and he had a blast, seemingly not even noticing our absence.

“I think that if River was somehow abandoned, he’d find a way to survive,” Mark’s mother commented this weekend. “He’d find food and an animal would probably adopt him.” I’ve always known that River didn’t need me in particular, that he’d be perfectly happy with anyone who showered him with love. It makes me sad to know that I’m not indispensable, but also proud to see his adaptability, which continues to increase with time.

River now eats the same things I do. He moves with confidence and enthusiasm. He went up and down stairs independently for the first time today. He’s on the verge of walking and we expect it any day now. He understands what I’m saying and is able to respond to some questions and requests. He’s able to make his desires clear. He’s just about 27 pounds and is a hunk of soft baby flesh as smooth and white as marble. He can hug me repeatedly within a matter of minutes, falling into me with a laugh and making me feel better than almost anything else I could imagine. He has made me a better person – more patient, more empathetic, more focused on spirituality, community and doing small things to help others, more capable of love than I ever imagined.

We’re hosting his birthday party this coming Sunday, so it’s time to start planning a bit. We don’t have family nearby, so we’ve invited our friends with small children and requested no gifts. I plan to make one of River’s favorite dishes, borscht, and a carrot cake.

I’d like River to be able to see photos from the party and to know that we acknowledged his first birthday. At the same time, I recognize that the party is mostly for us, that the anniversary of his first birth marks a great milestone for us and we want to celebrate it. I wanted to treat it as an informal gathering of friends, one which I’ve been meaning to host for a while but haven’t gotten around to it. I would provide some food, drinks and cake; my friends would each bring a side dish. We picked up a few toys for free from freecycle that we’ll give River as his gifts and we’ll buy him a helium balloon. It wouldn’t be fancy, nor would it cost a lot.

But as I thought about the balloon that I know would make him so happy, I thought about maybe getting a balloon for each baby or child in attendance. I’ve always thought gift bags were a silly idea and an added expense for a parent trying to host a child’s birthday party. But here I was actually wanting to give gifts to the babies who come. I think I appreciated their coming to share River’s special day. I wanted them to be as happy as I am that River is in our lives.

I knocked that idea out of my mind. I’m not going to spend $4-7 a piece on babies. But I started to understand where the urge to spend comes from. I’m trying hard to control it now while he’s young and doesn’t care.

Several times a day now, I look at him and try to take in – this is my almost-one year old. The face that is now looking more like a little boy’s than a baby’s is growing up. I hope this will be just the first of many birthdays, each bringing a rich collection of changes and experiences.