Pregnancy week 34

So very tired. 2-4 p.m. is the worst, but I’m now pretty much tired from the time I get up until the early evening. Once 5 or 6 p.m. rolls around and I might actually be able to rest, I’m suddenly alert and can usually stay up easily until midnight or one. I know I need to put in a few more weeks at the office, but I am really feeling the need for a schedule that allows for mid-day naps.

I’ve been counting down since October 1st and am now around the halfway point. That’s a relief, though six more weeks seems like an awfully long time.

I’m already coming close to busting out of the maternity clothes I started wearing less than three months ago. I now use a black belly band to prevent my bare belly from popping out at work.

Yoga is depressing me. I did prenatal yoga up until the day I went into labor with River (I began labor just after I returned home from yoga). It’s not happening this time. The teacher has higher expectations and I end up more bummed about all the stuff I can’t do than I am relaxed and soothed. Also, there was a great community in my yoga class last time. I’m still in touch with most of the people three years later. But too many people are coming in and out of this one, so it’s lacking the sense of we’re all in this journey together. I regret signing up for another session.

My stomach is a calabash, one of the firm semi-circular gourds commonly used around the house in Africa.

I am notably conscious of carrying around a large, moving object. This has made it not only difficult to maneuver, but is at times painful.

Picking up a small object from the ground has become an Olympian feat. Doing anything with my shoes is getting to that level of achievement. I still pick up River (I feel like I don’t have much choice there – I have to get him in and out of bed, onto and off the toilet and sometimes in and out of the carseat), but lifting 36 pounds doesn’t seem like the best idea.

I’m starting to feel a special level of consideration, especially from men. People hold open doors for me, they let me go first if we bump into each other in the hall. I’m getting the “it must be coming soon” looks from people. Nobody has commented that I’m especially large, but they are not surprised to hear it will be arriving just over a month from now.

I feel like I take up the entire hallway at work. Walking down the hallways, I feel debilitated, like I’m falling to pieces, and like this must be evident to people who see me. Perhaps this is where the “it must be coming soon” looks are coming from. I don’t feel quite so bad walking in other places. Perhaps it’s the effect of long periods of sitting.

I am so beyond grateful for finding an incredible masseuse and the treat of a weekly massage. Heaven. Absolute heaven.

I read somewhere that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks tend to do fine in the long-term. I don’t think I’m much at risk of delivering early. But still, it’s nice to know that it’s close to fully baked, close enough that it is likely to have a normal life should it come at any point now.

I feel an attachment to the idea of the person who will appear. In the same way I now imagine River within me, and am glad I was able to provide him with what he needed to begin his journey to the person he is now, I’m sure I’ll eventually have similar feelings about this child. But for now, it remains very much a thing inside me. I can’t visualize it. I don’t talk to it. I don’t try to expose it to music or other stimuli. I don’t feel much connection to it. When my yoga teacher tells us to put our hands on our belly and connect with the beautiful life we’re creating within, it feels false to me.

I am made happy by:
-clean environments
-apple strudel from a gourmet bakeshop with vanilla gelato and goat milk caramel sauce
-the intense color of the sky in the late afternoon
-strolls through mild weather and crisp autumn leaves
-looking into River’s eyes and feeling the sense of perfect mutual understanding
-conversations with friends
-my commute. As long as the weather holds up, I like having the opportunity to walk four miles in the course of the day, to listen to audiobooks, and to have a little quiet time to myself.

-cooking, organizing, recording, planning

Week 34 belly shot

Bigger still.

another nice fall weekend

Among the highlights:

I received my first batch of Christmas cards, wrote something on them, got River to sign them, got Mark to write something on the ones for his family, stamped them, addressed them and put them in the mail. I’m astounded. A few people are not only going to receive cards from me, but they will get them before Thanksgiving. I feel like superwoman and credit the nesting hormones. For a review of the cardstore.com cards I ordered and a 20% off coupon, see here.

Dancing in the living room with River while we twirled ribbons. He still had whiskers painted on his face from an afternoon event at the library, where he was made into a dog.

We found a new tenant, at least for a few months, and it’s a married woman. I feel much better about the possibility of going into labor or dealing with breastfeeding and/or pumping with a woman around than a man. And she’ll be gone on weekends, so there is a chance I won’t have to disturb her with my labor.

The in-laws visiting, bringing with them roasted duck, fried oysters, scallop ceviche, pumpkin pie, chocolate chip cookies and side dishes. I could get used to that.

The in-laws reminiscing about their recent safari in the Serengeti, reawakening my travel urges and providing River with valuable lessons about the place and animals. I’ve taken a safari in the Serengeti (it’s amazing) and it’s one of my dreams to do that as a family when my kids are teenagers. There is nothing comparable to seeing wild animals up close and in their element – plus I’m taken with the people, the landscape and the history of East Africa. Mark is not so enthusiastic. The other day, while gazing at the full moon, River said he needed a spaceship because he wanted to go there and see the craters. He suggested Mark and I go with him. Maybe the Serengeti doesn’t sound so far away after all. In any case, it seems closer to River now that he has seen some photos and has some carved animals, some books and a t-shirt with Swahili phrases.

I have lots of things to plan for and to look forward to in the coming weeks – a constant stream of events, gatherings, meals, celebrations and things to cook. This is putting me in an unusually festive mood. It’s also distracting, which is a good thing now.

Time to read statistics (not that I especially enjoy it, but it has to get done) and poetry.

An afternoon nap, two days in a row. It completely changes the second half of the day. I can’t wait until I can have some rest time every afternoon.

Continued mild, golden weather.

A fun playdate at a friend’s house. They seemed to be functioning surprisingly well just a few weeks after the birth of their second. So that gives me hope.

The passage of time. I’m getting closer to wrapping up work and closer to getting this large moving object out of me.