First day back at work

My first day of work has come and gone.  I went to work today and am now officially back at the office.

As far as transitions go, this was an easy one. I only worked a half day, then will work only 1.5 days next week, before going up to 2.5 days the following week.  So it was more like a reintroduction to the office and a trial run.

There were parts I liked.  I received a small promotion and will be earning a tiny bit more.  It was great to be around adults, to be in such a clean office (I’d cleaned all the piles of paper before I left), and to be able to focus on a task.  The free bagels on Friday made it easier, since I didn’t have to prepare breakfast, and it was nice to catch up with some people I hadn’t seen in a while. 

But some things will take adjustments.  Pumping is going to be the biggest issue.  Though I must have put in at least five requests before and during my leave, there was no lock on my door.  They promised they would install it next week.  But for today, I had to pump with a “Please do not enter” sign on my door, and an inner terror that a colleague would see me with my nipples sliding through plastic shields and my body attached to my bright blue pump. 

Also, sitting in one place for up to 8 or 9 hours is going to be tough.  I found that challenging before my maternity leave and know it will be again.  I left today at lunchtime, picked up Willow, fed her and put her down for a nap, prepared some food, ran an errand, and realized that people at work were still sitting at the office.  It will be a couple of months before I have to work two or three days in a row, so hopefully alternating active with sedentary days will help early on.

Whether or not I can meet Willow’s milk needs remains to be seen.  I pumped for about 50 minutes today and got only 3.75 ounces of milk.  I was sure Willow would consume double that during my six-hour absence.  But a great caregiver was able to keep her happy on only 3 ounces, so I did replace her consumption.  I’ve commandeered the car from Mark so that I can drive to work.  My plan is to come back and feed her at lunchtime on my full-days of work, and pump twice at the office in addition.  This can only be temporary though, since Mark is anxious to get the car back.  So we’ll have to see how it goes.

Willow must have known I was heading back, because last night was a horror.  Lately she’s been waking up twice between 1 and 4 a.m., then gets up for the day at 5 a.m.  Last night she seemed to be up one time after another, starting at 11 p.m.  At 5:45 I had to hand her to Mark and beg for an hour of sleep.  I got an hour and a half, which was great, but that gave me a later start than I’d planned on. 

I’d had trouble falling asleep the past few nights and I think part of it was anxiety about going back.  Now that the first day is over and done with, hopefully I will be able to relax a bit more.  Nevertheless, even working only half-time, between working on a personal project, trying to get River’s baby book done, meeting my daily exercise goal, and doing other normal household management tasks, I feel like I am consistently short on time.  I suppose this is part of the adjustment to having two kids.  I have to identify the places where I can cut back (so far it’s cooking) and prioritize what I most want to accomplish.

Looking for work

My mind has been a bit occupied in the past days by an interview I had today for a job. I am officially in the market for a job now and there is one place in particular where I think I might really like to work.

It amazes me how much difference a couple of months can make in my readiness to work. I had my last interview in August. That job was great in that it was located only two blocks from home and I knew the people were pretty flexible. I could pop home in the middle of the day or the babysitter could bring River over to me. But the 30% travel was extensive and I wasn’t willing to be away from River so much. Especially at the low pay offered. When they asked about my interest after the interview I said I was interested, but only if I could do it part-time (and with a higher salary). That didn’t work out.

In an ideal world, I’d still take a part-time job. But I’m at the point now where I want to do something interesting. I do want to travel some, especially now that our family budget doesn’t allow for frequent plane tickets. I’m also willing to work a bit more if it means that I’m continuing on with my career. I’m willing to accept full-time, though I’m looking for reasonable hours (no regular evenings or weekends) and I value vacation time more than a higher salary.

I am so grateful to my last employer for allowing me to work from home during my third trimester and giving me five months paid leave. As a result, it looks like I’ve been out of work just over six months, when really it’s been over a year since I’ve done anything of substance. So far, I don’t feel this small gap is affecting me in my job search. I’m hopeful I will be able to both spend my son’s first year with him and return to the workforce without much of a disadvantage.
It is my sincere hope that our society will move to a place where women (and men) return to work after childbirth at the time where they feel comfortable doing so, instead of when they feel pressured. Having a year of leave divided between parents as they see fit seems reasonable to me. Many countries offer much more.

How have others negotiated the return to work after childbirth? If you left your job, how difficult did you find it to return to the workforce?

Wanting to Go Back to Work

I’ve been aching to occupy myself with something besides motherhood ever since River was six or eight weeks old. Luckily, Mark has been very supportive and despite the fact that I’m not bringing in any income, we’ve invested in the help of a babysitter so that I can write in the afternoons. It’s nice to have this time, but after months of no colleagues, no bosses, and no deadlines, I feel like I’m not accomplishing as much as I should in this period of time.

I did finish up one book and I’m getting close to finishing another, so I’m not a total sloth, but I feel like I could do more. I miss the community of colleagues, of discussions, of helping each other do better, of the pressure of having to show one’s work to others.

When I visited New York recently, I came out of the bus station and my first thought upon seeing the hustle and bustle is that I wanted to be part of the world’s operations, I wanted to be hooked into the activity.

I did have the chance to recently. I applied for a job I knew I was overqualified for. But it sounded interesting and was close to home. I’d also heard the employer was flexible, which would help with my concerns about balancing work, family and personal life. When the employer showed interest in me, I asked for part-time and a higher salary than they mentioned during the interview (but within the range for the position as advertised).

I probably would have gotten the job if I hadn’t requested less hours and a higher salary. It was a bummer to not get it, but I figured I’m not that desperate yet.

I know many women work full-time, including some of my friends. But it seems to me that between full-time work, commuting, taking care of baby/child and maintaining a marriage, what really falls through the cracks is the female’s personal time. I want to include personal time into my pie because I value having time to exercise, to cook healthy foods, to learn, to travel and to write.

I’m also looking at some employment or study options that are more intriguing and exciting, but less likely to be close to home or flexible. I’m grateful to have options, but I’m feeling stressed at trying to find the right balance between bringing in an income, finding professional fulfillment, having time for my family and having time for myself.

My new neighbor, a wonderful 40-year-old English woman and a mother to three school-aged children, told me to hang tight for the right job. She has been working 25 hours a week in England and thought that was a good balance.

Mark and I discussed it last night and I will hang tight, at least until January. In the meantime, I need to start making more of an effort at looking into options and figuring out what I’d really like to do. One positive note is that I sold an essay this week for $600 (yay)! That brings my earnings for the past 5.5 months to a grand total of $650, or $118 a month.

It’s at times like this that I really wish I lived in Canada or Europe, where women can stay home for a year or a few years and be guaranteed their job afterwards. Where they receive some financial benefit while they are not working so they aren’t so stressed about income. Where state-subsidized daycares exists for toddlers, reducing the horror of having to pay high rates for more than one child at a time (this seems to me, a good possibility why many women don’t work. I have a friend who, after staying home over three years, has recently put her two toddlers in daycare at a cost of $3,000 a month! And she’s now, unsurprisingly, pretty desperate to find a job. I have a happier Canadian friend who has been out of the Canadian foreign service for over five years – one year to pursue a Master’s degree and four years to raise her two young children. She can return next year, after six years out, and resume her career right where she left off.) That promotion of both the family and women’s professional achievement, is what I think a good society should aspire to.