The big day approaches

The big day has been creeping up and will already be here in a matter of hours. Tomorrow I leave for just over three weeks.

The nervous butterflies have begun to creep in. Today, I was on the verge of tears a couple of times just thinking about leaving my pudgy little bundle of love. In the morning, he was clingy and I felt I was too often trying to escape him for a few moments in order to do the things that needed to be done. In the evening, he went down early and was asleep by 6 p.m. Initially, I appreciated the time to focus on finishing packing. But within a couple of hours, I wished I could be holding and hugging him.

My goal is to finish up tonight so that I can give him undivided attention during the few hours we have together in the morning. Unfortunately, River will be with Mark when he drops me off at the shuttle. The leaving is the hardest part. Having him there will drag it out and make it more emotional, and more difficult, for me.

He seemed anxious and crabby today. Anytime I put him down, he’d scoot after me, raising his hands in a supplication to be in my arms. I commented to Grace that it seemed he might know I’m leaving tomorrow.

“I think he might be able to sense it,” she said.

I tell myself I’m overrating my importance, as I think mothers are prone to do. I remind myself that he’ll be in great hands in a safe, loving atmosphere. But still, I’m sorry I have to leave him for so long.