Friday, November 13, 2009


Ever since River has been able to express a preference, mom has been
number one in his book. If I’m not around, he’s fine with whoever is
caring for him. But if I’m there, he wants mommy.

There are times when I’ve wished he would lean towards dad – times
when I’d like to be able to get something done around the house or
just take a break. But overall, especially now that he’s such a joy
to spend time with, I’m just grateful.

It’s a wonderful feeling to have someone be so excited when you come
home that they call out and run towards you. It’s nice to have
someone look up to you enough that they try to imitate every sound and

I think back upon the parenting choices we’ve made. While some of the
attachment literature appealed to me while pregnant, I quickly
discovered that I’m not an attachment parent. I tried to keep up the
breastfeeding as long as I could, but didn’t kill myself or severely
restrict my activities because of it. We stopped co-sleeping within
two months and stopped sleeping in the same room not more than a month
later. I need frequent time away from my role as a mother – daily if

Yet, despite all this, River and I have an intense, loving bond. It
makes me glad to see that no theory necessarily predicts a relation
between a mother and her child. Perhaps by taking care of myself and
my needs outside of being a mother, I am able to enjoy my time with
River more and make that time count.

I can see that it’s hard on Mark to be in second place. “Mommy’s
number one, daddy’s number two,” he often chants around the house,
especially when River has rejected one of his advances. I know the
tables are likely to turn at some point and I’ll move into second
place. Perhaps it would have been easier for me to deal with if this
had happened earlier. But at this point, we’ve had a long, consistent
bond that I’m grateful for. I’m glad to be working, I’m glad to
pursue my interests, but when it’s time to hang out with River, right
now I thoroughly enjoy it.

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