Easy

I have great admiration for people who stay at home with babies. I couldn’t do it. I would go mad. I think it’s the constant need to attend to another, without any thanks or gratitude, and with great difficulty in being able to schedule things – like sleep or trips to the store.

But now, all of a sudden, staying home with River doesn’t sound so bad. I would still need a creative outlet and time to pursue that. However, the days would not be long and dreary as before. Now, it’s quite possible they could be fun.

Yesterday was supposed to be family day, but Mark bagged out, needing more personal time. So it was a mommy and River day. And we had a blast. We started out with a 14-mile bike ride. We rode with a group of people that included a 76 year old man, so we took it slow. We spent over three hours enroute, in chilly, windy weather. For the last half of the ride, River had a metal water bottle wedged behind him (which I didn’t realize at the time). Yet he didn’t emit a single complaint, until we were less than a mile from our destination, when he asked to get down. I asked him to wait for one more mile and he did. We identified turtles, ducks, geese and birds, noted flowers, trees and grasses, commented on the canoeists, bikers, runners, walkers and crew regattas. We enjoyed nature, company and exercise together.

Then we joined the bicycle group for a luncheon. River was the youngest person in the room by decades. We both enjoyed a feast, and we both chatted with the others from our ride – a couple of people in their 60s.

From there we headed home. While River napped for over two hours, I got some things done. Mark dressed him and I took him in the car once again – this time to meet friends at an Indian restaurant. They seated us in the back room, where the boys could play. These were the parents of Samuel, River’s best friend. River was so excited to see him, he danced in excitement in advance and sang in the car. When he gave Samuel a hug, it was so intense they both fell to the ground.

My friends brought a great bottle of wine and we enjoyed samosas, naan, spicy shrimp, chicken and goat while the kids largely entertained themselves with a couple of cars.

We stopped at the grocery store on the way home, came home, River went to bed, and the day was over. I had a blast. I didn’t have to change any diapers. I didn’t have to make many special accommodations for him – beyond carrying around his potty and coming home for a nap in the afternoon. I was able to get exercise, socialize, do errands, get stuff done, and really have a fun time with my child. Suddenly, it’s so much easier.

While I want a substantial leave and a flextime work schedule during the first year or so, it’s more in order to breastfeed and in order to not overload myself than it is a desire to spend a lot of time doing childcare. But from this point, 28 months or a bit earlier, I wouldn’t mind spending more time with him. We have a great time together, and I hope we’re creating some early memories, or at least good feelings that will lodge somewhere deep inside him.

What is there to say when there are no problems?

I recently read The Happiest Toddler on the Block. For much of the book, I thought, he’s not talking to us.

Eating problems – negative
Sleeping problems – negative
Health issues – none
Temper tantrums – rare, intermittent and usually last no more than 30 seconds
Lack of concentration – not an issue
Social issues – negative
Frequently hurting self – more like never hurts self
Doesn’t listen – negative
Gets into everything – nope
Difficulty entertaining self – no
Separation issues – not at all

Then the author wrote about personality types, saying that most babies fall into easy, cautious or “spirited” (in other words, difficult). There were a list of indicators all of which I could easily check off “easy” for River. He is cautious physically. But that just ends up being easy for us, because he doesn’t take risks in which he can hurt himself.

So what happens when I get together with other moms? They talk about the challenges they are facing – problems getting their kids to eat, to sleep, having to entertain them constantly, dealing with tempers. I really can’t relate.

We’ve suspected for a while that we had an easy baby. According to the Happiest Baby on the Block, 40% of babies fall into this category. But I’m now quite sure we do. And that not only is he easy, he is super easy. And we are super lucky.

I think this probably makes other parents wish a number two from hell upon us just so we can see what it’s like.

“River is definitely unique,” one friend said. “It’s probably tempting to think that it came from how you raised him.”

Sure, it can be tempting. But I know the majority of it is genetic. And he has demonstrated the same personality, focused on food and observation, from birth. Not much has changed. He probably would have turned out exactly the same at this point if I’d left him as an infant with the wonderful family we stayed with in Panama.

So what can I talk about when I get together with other moms? Today, I told the mom about the book we’d just finished reading, which was sitting on our coffee table.

I told her how funny this one was, how the voices were so well portrayed, and how creative it was. I told her how much I’m enjoying the reading time now that we are getting to really entertaining stories. This book is aimed for the 4-8 range, which is what we’ve been reading quite a bit of lately. This one was a bit longer and denser in text than others, so it took us two days to get through the story, but we read the whole thing and today River asked for a repeat.

My friend said her child would never sit through a story like that, that she’ll barely sit through a book at all, but instead brings a book over, looks at the cover, then grabs another.

I know there is nothing wrong with her kid being more interested in running around than reading books. I know it’s normal for this age. But I end up feeling like I’m bragging. It’s certainly easier to read long and funny stories than to chase a toddler getting in to everything.

When we’re hanging out with Samuel, River’s little genius of a friend, it’s easier. While he does have eating, sleep and health issues, the boys have a lot in common in terms of their intellectual curiosity. I don’t have to worry about Samuel’s mom being upset because the fact is that her child is so clearly amazing and more advanced than River in many ways. We talk about what we read and they always have amazing suggestions. Last time we visited, Samuel was in love with a book called Cowboy and Octopus (also in the 4-8 range). Who would have thought of that combination?

With other parents, I’m probably going to have to learn to shut up. To listen to the problems they are having, and not mention that we’re not experiencing them. That’s a hard thing to do though, especially since I think moms are pre-programmed to talk about their kids. All the more reason for me to spend more time on professional matters, where these topics don’t come up, and less time in mom’s groups.

I wouldn’t be surprised if we got hit with a whammy with number two. I suppose we deserve it. But I would be so happy if I could put in an order and request another just like River.