phone home

I called home today and River seems to be doing well. He has a habit of not speaking much on the phone. Though he listens intently, if he talks at all, it’s in a barely audible whisper. He said yes when I asked if he was having fun with his grandparents and toward the end he said “Te amo,” which may have been prompted by my mom.

My mom sounded like she was still thrilled to have him there. She told me how they had taken him to the lake, to the park, to a party, and today were either heading to the beach or to McDonalds playland, depending on the weather.

Each day, I regret that he’s not here for all the things I think he would enjoy – the spectacle of hundreds of motorcycles entering a medieval plaza today, playing with two toddlers at a 3.5 hour Spanish lunch, waving to the airplanes flying into Madrid just above us. But I’m also glad that he’s having his own type of vacation – filled with activities and adventures. He’s also creating family bonds and memories, which is important as well.

That said, I look forward to seeing him again just over a week from now.

Spain

Oh, the relaxed Spain of my youth. It is coming back to me.

“You’ve come to Spain to do sports?” my friend’s mother said to me, referring to the four-day bike trip we’ve planned. “You are supposed to come here to eat and relax.”

I told her my goal was to eat as much good food as I could without gaining weight, and that the biking would allow me to eat more.

“But it’s not a problem if you gain weight,” she said. “Because you’ll return to the U.S., where except for Thanksgiving, there is no good food, and you will lose it.”

I have to agree with her on the food. After a day and a half spent in airplane travel and a stopover at a house where there was almost nothing to eat that was not processed, I’m longing for quality food made from fresh ingredients even more.

We all gathered at a table outside a bar. Our group ranged in age from one month old to grandparents. The bar tables were all full. Plenty of people strolled outside. My friend said there were less people outside than usual, because on Friday evenings people head to the villages.

Eat, drink, relax. Adults entertained the children. No one talked much about work, about obligations, about anything stressful. It was just an acceptance of and enjoyment of the moment. This seems to me like a nice place to live.

The moments that count

It’s been a rough couple of months, with lots of self-doubt, frustration and struggles for balance. Within this, I find that the moments that make me happiest are the fun times I spend with my family. It feels wonderful to be greeted at the door with a high-pitched “Mamaaaaaaa,” and outstretched arms waiting for a hug. I
feel appreciated and validated when my presence is requested to climb on, to be witness to something or to entertain. I don’t need any special skills or talents. I’m not being compared with anyone else. I’m accepted and wanted for who I am.

That’s not to say that I don’t still get joy from other things I used to be passionate about. Upon arrival in Africa, I definitely had a “Cool, I’m in Africa!” moment, where I was thankful I could both be a mother and have that opportunity. I’m still enthusiastic about the appearance of spring buds and flowers, of clean, fresh air, of time with a good book.

But there is something special about family time that makes me feel OK about who I am. That makes me feel I’m doing a good job. And that I’m contributing something that is being appreciated.

Family Halloween Fun

Ever since my nieces came along, 9 and 11 years ago, my mom has held a Halloween party in her home for them. Each year, she tries to add another scary tchotchke to her collection. Every year, the decorating gets better and better. But the traditions remain the same – a family dinner together, pumpkin carving, a search for the big hairy spider, photos with all kinds of corny accessories, and dessert.

I participated once, years ago, when my nieces were still small. I wore a blond wig, someone else wore a cat’s face. My nieces had a small table just to themselves, where I helped them frost Halloween cookies. I still love the goofy pictures from that celebration. And I was so excited to bring River for his first ever Halloween party.

Here are the decorations:

And the fun:

These days, they get gift bags.

We might start replacing Christmas with Halloween as the high priority annual visit.

Do you have any special Halloween traditions?