Nine Days Without Baby - end

I made it home at the end of nine nights and ten days and found that my baby didn’t seem to have been affected at all by my absence. He returned to breastfeeding instantaneously. He warmed up to me instantly. The only odd moment was when he repeated bit (hard) my nipple while breastfeeding, the same way he does a bottle nipple. After removing him from the breast each time he did that, he never did it again.

My milk supply was reduced and I had to give him between 1 and 3 bottles a day for the first week or two after I returned.

I learned that it is possible to go away for that long and to continue breastfeeding, as long as one is willing to spend a lot of time pumping. I learned that babies can be happy as long as they are being well cared for and that I shouldn’t overvalue myself. I learned that while I sometimes disagree with some of my husband’s parenting choices, River was in good shape at the end of the period. And I learned that babies don’t forget boobies, even when they’ve been gone a (relatively) long time.

Nine Days Without Baby - Day 6

I’ve started to think that I traveled to Iowa to pump instead of to study. With a minimum of eight sessions per day at 20 minutes each, I’m pumping two hours and forty minutes a day. With at least one middle-of-the-night pump and a six a.m. pump, my fantasies of full nights of sleep remain elusive.

My schedule is determined by pumping. I’d love to get up early in the morning and go to a wonderful local coffee shop, with dim lights and a deep interior full of wooden tables and soft chairs. Instead, I stay home until I must be somewhere so that I can pump as long as possible.

I can feel that my breasts are full, only I still get two ounces or less with each pumping. I’m sure if River was here he could find himself a satisfying meal after the pump is no longer able to get another drop. It’s a shame that I can’t find a pump that can extract more, but I’m crossing my fingers that I’m maintaining enough of a supply that we can get back on track when I got home. If not, I’m wasting a lot of time.

When I called home I got to hear River babble into the phone. Mark says he isn’t acting any differently.

“I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you when you get here,” he said. “He’s excited to see me when I get home. But he’s not the kind of guy to let the absence of anyone keep him from enjoying what he has at the moment.”

I think that is one of the first lessons my child is teaching me by example. Maybe we’d all be as continually happy as he is if we could only find joy in whatever the present brought and not worry about the things we were missing at the time.

Nine Days Without Baby - Day 5

I’m in this area for only a week. But I contacted a local supplier of hospital-grade breast pump rentals and they agreed to rent a Medela Lactina Select to me for a week (for less than $10). I appreciated the kindness of Iowans at that moment.

When I called, the representative said she didn’t think there was much difference between the Lactina Select and the Pump in Style. However, I’d read things online that claimed the Lactina was stronger. I felt I had to make my best effort, so I went ahead and got it.

As a result, I walked into class with a giant, blue plastic case slung over my shoulder, as if I was carrying construction equipment. The Lactina requires an outlet and I was tired of the toilet anyway. I decided to try to use a classroom. I posted a Please Do Not Disturb sign in the doorway, chose rooms with the desk in the far corner, and pumped for 20 minutes. It was much more comfortable than the toilet. Using the desk, I could even read. And no one barged in.

While I was down to 12 ounces or so of milk collection, I could feel that my breasts were full. The supply was there, the pump just wasn’t getting it out. I hoped that my being vigilant with my fluid intake, my fenugreek and my pumping would at least allow me to maintain the supply until I returned home. At that point, I’d feed River as much as I could and would be very careful about pumping, at least for the next few weeks.