Babysitter Share Working Out

Today was our fourth day of babysitter-share and I think the situation is finally working out. It took some time for Mirena to get used to our place, to River and to Grace. It took time for River to get used to having another baby around and to having to share the attention of an adult. It took a while for Grace to get to know Mirena and her needs so that she could keep her happy. I was starting to get concerned that perhaps it wasn’t a good idea. I spoke to a friend who had also recently started to share a babysitter and she was thinking of backing out because her baby was unhappy in the new environment.

I took refuge in messages posted on a parent list I belong to. Discussing preschoolers and kindergarteners who weren’t liking school, the parents suggested waiting six weeks to give everyone a chance to adjust. Luckily, for us, it only seems to have taken two weeks.

I’m glad that we are able to save a little money. Every bit is counting these days as we are in the fifth month of living on one income. I’m also glad for River to learn to spend time with another baby. I really think they are learning from each other. Mirena, who is usually almost silent, began to make some noises today that sounded a lot like River. And River, who is much less mobile than Mirena, suddenly pulled himself to standing in my lap – twice. He learned to pull himself up two months ago, but once he learned the skill, didn’t apply it. Perhaps seeing Mirena standing (and even walking) easily inspires him.

Adjusting from being the only child

Today was River’s second day sharing his babysitter with another baby. This day went much better than the first one since everyone was a little more familiar with the situation. Still, both River and Mirena looked at each other like two cats, both curious of this similar-looking creature and defensive of their territories. They wanted to explore the stranger by touch, but smacking the face or pulling on the head wasn’t something the other enjoyed too much. So it was very much a move forward, then run back situation. At times, I thought a fistfight would break out (were they capable of it). At others, they looked like maybe one day they could be friends.

River was definitely interested in Mirena’s physical prowess. “Look at her bang on the TV,” his mind seemed to be saying. “If I could stand up I could do that too.” I think his motivation to be more on the move will increase.

Mirena, who remained absolutely silent, without a word nor a gurgle during River’s two-hour nap, became a little more talkative when she heard River’s babbling.

I hope this will be a positive experience for both of them. River will probably be motivated to develop physically, Mirena will have more verbal stimulation and both will adjust to balancing their needs with another’s. Should either of them have a sibling in the future, hopefully what they learn together will make their adjustment to a new little one easier.

First Day of Babysitter-Share

Twice a week, starting today, a little girl of River’s age is coming over for the afternoon. This arrangement allows our babysitter to make more per hour, but for us to pay a bit less (since we split the cost with the other family).

Today was definitely an adaptation day. Our babysitter, Grace, had no time to eat anything during the afternoon. Her hair was frizzy and unkempt from the hours of super-activity. The 8.5 month old girl, Mirena, had to adjust to new people and a new environment. And River, 9 months old today, had to adjust to sharing attention and to a younger girl who is stronger and more forceful than him. He probably wished we could have come up with something better for his nine-month birthday than a playmate. He was so exhausted from the commotion that he went to bed at 5:30 instead of his usual 8 p.m.

Grace commented that both babies got angry with the other. “It’s because they are both only children” she said. Saving money is one reason we are trying this. Another is that we think River is at the age when he needs to learn to share, to take turns, to play with others, to realize that he can’t always be the sole center of attention. I think it will take some adjustment for all.

Poor Grace really had her hands full today. I realized, upon seeing Mirena, who is a sweet little girl, but very physical and with a “stronger personality,” that River really is an easy baby. Grace did a good job trying to balance both of their needs, but I could see that it was exhausting. I’m sure it will become easier as she comes to know Mirena better and Mirena and River come to know each other.

But watching her made me wonder how daycares with an infant ratio of one adult to four babies manage. Or even three babies. Perhaps it’s easier if the babies are fed in separate areas. That would reduce some of the angst experienced today when one baby saw milk or food and wanted some too. But I’d imagine that managing so many little ones with such constant needs would necessitate quite a bit of independent play time, which is fine for older kids, but makes me uncomfortable for young babies.

We’ve done the one-on-one attention thing for nine months now. We’re moving on to a little one-on-two attention. We’ll see how it develops.