When you have the remote control balanced on our belly as you are stretched out on the couch. And then you see it rock back and forth, like a rowboat at sea, powered by the kicks of a creature below that bump.
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Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Mr. Bear visits the library
Our library held an animal sleepover recently. When River went to pick up Mr. Bear, he received this photo, showing what his stuffed animal was up to in his absence. What a cute idea.Wednesday, October 27, 2010
When a child builds a life overseas
I found this interesting, since I probably put my parents through something similar. But at that stage in life, one isn’t reallythinking about the parents. When at one point my mom expressed some concern, I told her not to worry, because if anything happened to me,I’d die doing what I loved.
But I do have to note that this woman is only 23. She still has along ways to go before her biological clock begins ticking. And what then? Will she come closer to home, as I and many others do? Or will she find a way to build a family overseas? And in that case, what will be the implications for all three generations of the distance and the cultural divides?
I always imagined raising children overseas and I always imagined that at least one of them would come from an orphanage. I think that vision is probably the cause of some of the decisions I have taken in raising River. In some respects - raising him to be a primary
Spanish-speaker, putting him in a preschool where he is an ethnic minority, avoiding a lot of the English-only and more stereotypical activities, and hoping to soon plunge him into Chinese – I think I may be trying to give him that overseas experience, as much as possible, from home. I sometimes long for the excitement, diversity and challenge that comes with overseas living and I long for my child to experience that.
But as I’ve reached my mid-30s, I’d learned my parents are sad to live a plane ride away within the same country, able to see River only 3-4 times per year. I’ve realized it makes me sad to not have family support nearby, to not have those constants in River’s life. If I was in Nepal and he saw his grandparents only 1-2 times per year, I’d feel that lack even more intensely.
I have friends who have done it – who skype with their Canadian grandparents from Moscow. A woman who left one of her sons in the U.S. and moved with the other to marry a man in New Zealand. They manage to keep up the bonds. But I think a lot of intimacy is lost.
Part of Mark’s lack of enthusiasm for putting River into a Chinese school is that he fears River will one day leave us for China. It is easier for a male to build a life and a family overseas than it is for a female.
I always imagined raising children overseas and I always imagined that at least one of them would come from an orphanage. I think that vision is probably the cause of some of the decisions I have taken in raising River. In some respects - raising him to be a primary
Spanish-speaker, putting him in a preschool where he is an ethnic minority, avoiding a lot of the English-only and more stereotypical activities, and hoping to soon plunge him into Chinese – I think I may be trying to give him that overseas experience, as much as possible, from home. I sometimes long for the excitement, diversity and challenge that comes with overseas living and I long for my child to experience that.
But as I’ve reached my mid-30s, I’d learned my parents are sad to live a plane ride away within the same country, able to see River only 3-4 times per year. I’ve realized it makes me sad to not have family support nearby, to not have those constants in River’s life. If I was in Nepal and he saw his grandparents only 1-2 times per year, I’d feel that lack even more intensely.
I have friends who have done it – who skype with their Canadian grandparents from Moscow. A woman who left one of her sons in the U.S. and moved with the other to marry a man in New Zealand. They manage to keep up the bonds. But I think a lot of intimacy is lost.
Part of Mark’s lack of enthusiasm for putting River into a Chinese school is that he fears River will one day leave us for China. It is easier for a male to build a life and a family overseas than it is for a female.
Monday, October 25, 2010
extended separation
I expected Mark and I would have separate sleeping quarters for a while after the birth. Last time, taking turns caring for the baby, while the other got half a night of quality rest, worked well for both of us. But I didn’t expect the separation to start several months before the birth. Mark is now permanently located on the couch and I have the luxury of a full queen-size bed to my gigantic self.
Thinking back to last time, I’m pretty sure we stayed in the same bed until the birth. But then, sleeping on my left side had me facing out from the bed. Now, sleeping on my left, has me facing in. With a Froogle in front me of me and another pillow behind me to prevent me from moving onto my back, I take up too much room. In this way I disturb Mark. His snoring, breathing and movements disturb me, taking away from what feel like precious moments of uninterrupted sleep. Then we both get awakened by the shrill old-fashioned alarm our tenants recently purchased, and which goes off at 6 a.m. on weekdays. So we’ve decided it works better for both of us to have some space to ourselves.
I feel I have a lot to look forward to in the spring. Not only the arrival of our daughter and the opportunity to see and get to know her, but a reduction in my girth, an easier time sleeping, at least between night-time wake-ups, and eventually, being able to share a bed
with my husband again.
Thinking back to last time, I’m pretty sure we stayed in the same bed until the birth. But then, sleeping on my left side had me facing out from the bed. Now, sleeping on my left, has me facing in. With a Froogle in front me of me and another pillow behind me to prevent me from moving onto my back, I take up too much room. In this way I disturb Mark. His snoring, breathing and movements disturb me, taking away from what feel like precious moments of uninterrupted sleep. Then we both get awakened by the shrill old-fashioned alarm our tenants recently purchased, and which goes off at 6 a.m. on weekdays. So we’ve decided it works better for both of us to have some space to ourselves.
I feel I have a lot to look forward to in the spring. Not only the arrival of our daughter and the opportunity to see and get to know her, but a reduction in my girth, an easier time sleeping, at least between night-time wake-ups, and eventually, being able to share a bed
with my husband again.
A student doula?
Over the weekend we met with a student doula, a woman who has gone through the training, but has not attended any births, besides those of her own children. She has given birth to two children, which I think is even more important than attending the births of others. But still, it’s a big experience gap compared to our last doula, who had three children of her own and had attended over 100 births.
Our holiday-season due-date doesn’t work for our prior doula, and we are hesitant to spend $800 when we have a little experience under our belts and I plan to accept pain relief on the earlier side. Nevertheless, we started to worry about the quality and quantity of staffing available over the holidays, what we’d do if we got the one doctor in the practice I’m not comfortable with, and/or a nurse that wasn’t helpful. Perhaps it would be helpful to have someone in the room we knew ahead of time and could count on, even if she wasn’t highly experienced. Perhaps we could find a mutually beneficial arrangement in which we help her meet her qualification requirements and she helps us with support at a minimal cost. So our former doula put us in touch with her student.
She seems like a nice person, someone I’d be happy to share a cup of tea with, someone I could handle being naked in front of when circumstances call for it. She only charges $100, so I thought she was fine for the price.
But in the car ride home, Mark brought up concerns about her chatty nature. During the meeting, I was fine with it, because she came across as friendly. But he made me think, do we really want a chatty person during labor, especially someone who admitted that she may get nervous, although she swears she’s confident and capable of doing the
job? When we looked for a doula the last time, the ones I liked best were the doulas with a yoga or massage background, the ones who exuded a sense of calm and zen-like peace. Perhaps because that’s not my personality and I found that tranquility a good counterforce to my more goal-oriented focus of let’s get this thing out.
Mark seemed to indicate that he wouldn’t be comfortable under the guidance of a chatty person. I told him that if he wasn’t comfortable, then we should skip it. Because one of the main functions that we want a doula for is to be able to guide Mark. If he’s not comfortable with her, then I won’t be comfortable, and it’s not worth it.
I agreed that a more zen-like person would be a better match. However, the likelihood of finding a perfect zen-like student, who is fully available over Christmas and New Year’s, is very remote. We have no other candidates to consider. We had met another doula once who really rubbed both of us the wrong way, and that wasn’t the case with this one. I actually liked this woman - she just might not be the perfect person to guide us through labor. However, I think we are looking at either her or nothing.
As her first potential clients, I imagine she’d be devoted to the job and would try her best. She’d be willing to take pictures and/or write a birth story and I am always appreciative of good record-keeping. She could be a potential source of advice. If she doesn’t know something herself, I think she’d make use of her teachers and student network to find things out. Unless there was a major snowstorm (which is a risk) or she is sick, she would be a familiar face that we could count on seeing. So I don’t see that there is much
to lose in trying her out for $100.
If we hire her, she’ll come to our house for a longer meeting and hopefully Mark could make clear to her what he needs to be comfortable. We have two weeks to think it over, but I think we are learning towards becoming the first practice clients for a doula-in-training.
If you’ve used a student doula, how was your experience?
Our holiday-season due-date doesn’t work for our prior doula, and we are hesitant to spend $800 when we have a little experience under our belts and I plan to accept pain relief on the earlier side. Nevertheless, we started to worry about the quality and quantity of staffing available over the holidays, what we’d do if we got the one doctor in the practice I’m not comfortable with, and/or a nurse that wasn’t helpful. Perhaps it would be helpful to have someone in the room we knew ahead of time and could count on, even if she wasn’t highly experienced. Perhaps we could find a mutually beneficial arrangement in which we help her meet her qualification requirements and she helps us with support at a minimal cost. So our former doula put us in touch with her student.
She seems like a nice person, someone I’d be happy to share a cup of tea with, someone I could handle being naked in front of when circumstances call for it. She only charges $100, so I thought she was fine for the price.
But in the car ride home, Mark brought up concerns about her chatty nature. During the meeting, I was fine with it, because she came across as friendly. But he made me think, do we really want a chatty person during labor, especially someone who admitted that she may get nervous, although she swears she’s confident and capable of doing the
job? When we looked for a doula the last time, the ones I liked best were the doulas with a yoga or massage background, the ones who exuded a sense of calm and zen-like peace. Perhaps because that’s not my personality and I found that tranquility a good counterforce to my more goal-oriented focus of let’s get this thing out.
Mark seemed to indicate that he wouldn’t be comfortable under the guidance of a chatty person. I told him that if he wasn’t comfortable, then we should skip it. Because one of the main functions that we want a doula for is to be able to guide Mark. If he’s not comfortable with her, then I won’t be comfortable, and it’s not worth it.
I agreed that a more zen-like person would be a better match. However, the likelihood of finding a perfect zen-like student, who is fully available over Christmas and New Year’s, is very remote. We have no other candidates to consider. We had met another doula once who really rubbed both of us the wrong way, and that wasn’t the case with this one. I actually liked this woman - she just might not be the perfect person to guide us through labor. However, I think we are looking at either her or nothing.
As her first potential clients, I imagine she’d be devoted to the job and would try her best. She’d be willing to take pictures and/or write a birth story and I am always appreciative of good record-keeping. She could be a potential source of advice. If she doesn’t know something herself, I think she’d make use of her teachers and student network to find things out. Unless there was a major snowstorm (which is a risk) or she is sick, she would be a familiar face that we could count on seeing. So I don’t see that there is much
to lose in trying her out for $100.
If we hire her, she’ll come to our house for a longer meeting and hopefully Mark could make clear to her what he needs to be comfortable. We have two weeks to think it over, but I think we are learning towards becoming the first practice clients for a doula-in-training.
If you’ve used a student doula, how was your experience?
nostalgia and the act of making a baby book
I’m trying to catch up (slowly) on my posting chronologically. But I’m skipping ahead with this one because I need some advice.
I’m fully in the nesting mode and one of my projects is to attack the baby book – or rather three-year book. I’ve asked my husband to make a video of River’s first three years and it’s my job to make the book. I’m going to go with one of those digital photo books you can order, to make the task easier.
I last left off on photo and video sorting in December 2009, so last night I went through the second half of December and the first two months of this year. Reliving those moments filled me with an incredible sense of nostalgia. Yes, this is the same little guy I know and love. But he is so different, in such a short span of time. It amazes and astounds me. And it makes me feel so lucky to have experienced and participated in those moments.
Part of my sentimentality may be due to pregnancy-induced hormones. But even Mark seemed nostalgic upon watching River make star-shaped ginger-bread cookies with him last holiday season.
River stood upon on a chair and watched papa intensely. He wore his cotton diaper and a mustard-yellow shirt.
“He was chunkier then,” Mark commented, referring to the thick thighs he still had then. Now he is so lean.
“Say three,” Mark said in the video, counting the cookies they had made.
“Four,” River said.
“Ok, that’s close enough,” Mark replied.
Ten months later, it’s hard to even fathom River messing up a number. Now Mark recites the first line of a nursery rhyme and River finishes it.
The fact that we neglect to realize the magnitude of these changes, even in such a short time span, makes me want to record them for River even more. I’m excited about this project and hope I make something that will be memorable.
A couple of questions:
1. Can anyone recommend a good online baby book maker? Right now, I’m planning to use one of the major sites, like Snapfish. That would limit me to photos, some text, and the monthly letters I’ve written to River. But if there is a site that also has pages for growth charts, firsts, etc. that would be pretty cool.
2. How many pages can you have in one of those digital photo books before it gets too big? Thirty-six months is a lot of ground to cover.
3. How many copies would you make? I’m thinking I should have one on the shelf for River and one for safe-keeping in a firebox or other safe place. Should I make copies for the grandparents? Anyone else?
4. What should I do with the things that can’t be put into a digital book – the first lock of cut hair, the baby hat worn at the hospital, a trinket from my baby shower, other little mementos like that?
5. Any suggestions of video-making software appropriate for an inexperienced person?
I’m fully in the nesting mode and one of my projects is to attack the baby book – or rather three-year book. I’ve asked my husband to make a video of River’s first three years and it’s my job to make the book. I’m going to go with one of those digital photo books you can order, to make the task easier.
I last left off on photo and video sorting in December 2009, so last night I went through the second half of December and the first two months of this year. Reliving those moments filled me with an incredible sense of nostalgia. Yes, this is the same little guy I know and love. But he is so different, in such a short span of time. It amazes and astounds me. And it makes me feel so lucky to have experienced and participated in those moments.
Part of my sentimentality may be due to pregnancy-induced hormones. But even Mark seemed nostalgic upon watching River make star-shaped ginger-bread cookies with him last holiday season.
River stood upon on a chair and watched papa intensely. He wore his cotton diaper and a mustard-yellow shirt.
“He was chunkier then,” Mark commented, referring to the thick thighs he still had then. Now he is so lean.
“Say three,” Mark said in the video, counting the cookies they had made.
“Four,” River said.
“Ok, that’s close enough,” Mark replied.
Ten months later, it’s hard to even fathom River messing up a number. Now Mark recites the first line of a nursery rhyme and River finishes it.
The fact that we neglect to realize the magnitude of these changes, even in such a short time span, makes me want to record them for River even more. I’m excited about this project and hope I make something that will be memorable.
A couple of questions:
1. Can anyone recommend a good online baby book maker? Right now, I’m planning to use one of the major sites, like Snapfish. That would limit me to photos, some text, and the monthly letters I’ve written to River. But if there is a site that also has pages for growth charts, firsts, etc. that would be pretty cool.
2. How many pages can you have in one of those digital photo books before it gets too big? Thirty-six months is a lot of ground to cover.
3. How many copies would you make? I’m thinking I should have one on the shelf for River and one for safe-keeping in a firebox or other safe place. Should I make copies for the grandparents? Anyone else?
4. What should I do with the things that can’t be put into a digital book – the first lock of cut hair, the baby hat worn at the hospital, a trinket from my baby shower, other little mementos like that?
5. Any suggestions of video-making software appropriate for an inexperienced person?
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Maybe I should watch my weight
I just looked at some recent photos of myself on the digital camera and I look fat. Not just pregnant fat, but my face is fat and my hips and thighs are larger than I’m comfortable with. I told Mark I think I’m fat and he responded, “You are pregnant.”
He asked where I was compared to last time. While I still have a lot of weight to gain compared to last time, when I look back at my records, I see I was at my current weight in week 33 last time (the pounds really piled on in the last 7 weeks – Halloween, Thanksgiving and cold weather probably didn’t help). So I’m two weeks ahead of my last pregnancy’s weight chart.
Part of me thinks there is no reason to deny myself when I’m dealing with lots of other discomforts. But another part says it’s not fun to not feel good about oneself either. Maybe I should listen to the doctor and try to limit my weight gain.
How do you balance taking care of yourself with being nice to yourself during third trimester and in the post-partum months?
He asked where I was compared to last time. While I still have a lot of weight to gain compared to last time, when I look back at my records, I see I was at my current weight in week 33 last time (the pounds really piled on in the last 7 weeks – Halloween, Thanksgiving and cold weather probably didn’t help). So I’m two weeks ahead of my last pregnancy’s weight chart.
Part of me thinks there is no reason to deny myself when I’m dealing with lots of other discomforts. But another part says it’s not fun to not feel good about oneself either. Maybe I should listen to the doctor and try to limit my weight gain.
How do you balance taking care of yourself with being nice to yourself during third trimester and in the post-partum months?
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