Introduction to Montessori

This weekend we attended the birthday party of the son of a physicist. Needless to say, there were some smart people there, including twin three-year old boys who already speak German, Hungarian and English. Wow.

The family hosting the party is very much into the Montessori style of learning. The mom had spoken to me about it during some walks we’d taken, and while I’d listened, I didn’t take too much active note. The local Montessori is so crazy expensive (ie. expensive private college expensive) that I didn’t look at anything beyond the price tag. But when she mentioned how her family organized their house so their son could take responsibility for many things himself (using a chair he can climb up and down, placing a snack drawer within his reach, etc.) I thought that sounded intriguing.

Today, when I saw River play with their large collection of Montessori toys, I got an inkling of how cool this system might be. He was taken by their collection of wooden puzzles– a tree, a leaf, a horse, a flower. They were fairly difficult. At times, he asked me to figure out where a piece went and I couldn’t figure it out. But they seemed designed in a way that offered small clues of where to put things that eventually connected together. On the back of the flower pieces, my friend had written the parts of the flower.

So I went home and purchased the flower puzzle, the horse puzzle, and a few other items from this store, where she said the prices are lower. She also recommended this site for a larger selection, but higher prices.

Upon looking at all the Montessori toys, I’m impressed, but also overwhelmed. I know nothing about the method other than it’s supposed to promote child-led learning. Since River definitely won’t be going to Montessori school, it is worth digging further into the philosophy, investing more in some more of the toys/materials (if so, which ones?)? Or should I just have faith that he’ll eventually learn the same things through experience and/or traditional methods?

Back to school

These are the notes my husband scrawled as he tried to help me understand the one page handout our professor passed out on why the mean minimizes the sum of squared deviations.

The numbers and symbols have a way of simultaneously freaking me out (and making me want to tune out) and making me feel strangely accomplished and fulfilled when I understand what they mean. By the end, I think I did understand the handout and I may even have identified a mistake on the professor’s part (or perhaps I’m still not understanding).

I’m taking an undergraduate statistics course. It’s a little below what I could handle, since I took both stats and econometrics in grad school. But it was what was available right now and will hopefully serve the purpose of just getting me reacclimated to this subject and to its practical use. It also has a very quantitatively able professor and a bunch of students who recently graduated high school with 5s on their statistics AP tests and brains 15 years less aged than mine. So I think there will be plenty of challenge.

I have to admit that I enjoy being back in the classroom. I’ve already accepted that I’m a lifelong student. I think back on what I wish I could do over. I really wish I’d paid attention to calculus in high school and in college. The fact that I didn’t is hard to make up for and has been following me around for years. Now, I sit in the third row, arrive on time, do all the reading, make every effort to not miss lectures (unfortunately, I have to miss some for work), and take the time to make sure I understand a handout full of numbers and symbols.

The professor says he’s an ubernerd. He definitely outdoes me, as I know he can whip around pages of odd symbols and he does it with aplomb and glee. But I’m feeling like a pretty good nerd.

First trip to a science museum

Today River paid his first visit to a science museum and LOVED it. We were the first people to arrive when the museum opened at 12, so we initially had the place to ourselves.

In the preschool room, River got to put chocolate chunks into pretend cookies and count the pieces. He got to play with unusual shaped large soft blocks and he got to look at shells under a magnifying glass. He was thrilled to sit on a chair and to experience the backwards motion that happens when two people push their feet against each other. He saw what happens to liquid when it is spun rapidly, he saw how water erodes particles, he saw how a ball reacts to vacuum pressure and he got a close up look at starfish and crabs. He smiled so much in the hour and a half we were there. It was one novel experience after another and he was so enthusiastic, he threw a nice tantrum when it was time to leave.

My only regret is that I was reminded that my knowledge of the principles behind many of the exhibits is lacking. I hope I’ll have the chance to rebuild that knowledge as he goes to school or begins to explore and ask. I’ll appreciate the opportunity to learn this time and I’ll value the information more. I find myself very excited about his future education. Not only am I looking forward to him acquiring knowledge about what surrounds him, but I’m looking forward to learning along the way too.

It's a Boy!

When I became pregnant last year (was it only last year?) I knew it was possible I could have a boy. The timing of conception led that way. I felt it would be a boy. But psychologically, it was hard for me to imagine anything but a girl.

Once I knew it was a boy, after I tried getting beyond the strange images of a penis growing inside me, I thought about the positives. With a girl, I’d be more likely to project my own experiences and my own development trajectory onto her. With a boy, since I didn’t have anything to go off of, I’d probably be more accepting. That would be a good thing because it meant I’d be less likely to be like my mother, less likely to encounter the years of adolescent fighting that characterized our relationship.

Since River appeared, we have bonded marvelously. I am head over heels in love with him. He seems to like me quite a bit, lately even preferring me to dad. I’ve started to understand the Russian women who coddle their sons to the point where these men expect the same from their wives. I’ve started to understand the overbearing mothers-in-law. I hope not to be like either, but I now empathize with where they are coming from.

Even though the adjustment has so far been easier than I expected, even though so far River and I have been able to communicate and more or less balance each others needs, I feel like there is still a lot I don’t understand about boys. So I picked up a book at the library called It’s a Boy – Understanding Your Son’s Development from Birth to Age 18.

It’s written by the psychologist Michael Thompson, the author of Raising Cain. The chapters are divided into age ranges: birth to 18 months, 18 months to three years, 3-4, 5-7, 11-13, 14-15 and 16-18. I don’t know whether or not I’ll make it through the whole book, since newer information might be available about teenagers 16 years from now. But I did read the part on birth to 18 months and a few months from now, I’ll return for the 18 months to three years section.

Probably the most useful fact I learned is the importance of early interactions with adults in determining the baby’s ability to attach and have good relationships with adults. Thompson says that 15 months is a safe marker. If a baby is well attached at that point, he is likely to relate to his parents and other adults in the same way at age six, and possibly throughout life. So far I’d say our attachment is pretty good. River’s needs are met quickly, he’s content and even-tempered. We feel lucky to have gotten a relatively easy baby and keep hoping he’ll keep this personality long-term. Only five more months to get an indication of what he will be like in the future. That’s exciting.

I also received reaffirmation of what I learned from the Buryats and what I intuited made sense. These people believe that no matter what you do, children are going to grow up anyway. They love and care for their children, but elders are higher in the order of respect and children are brought up to be obedient and respectful of their elders. Parents feel their job is to love their children, to help them, to be there for them (expecting assistance in return from their adult sons), but they don’t feel they can shape or mold their kids as so many Americans parents do.

This book confirmed both that parents do not mold their child’s development and that the fancy learning toys really don’t do anything that the world itself can’t do for a child.

Thompson tells readers they are not in charge of their son’s development. “Your son’s development will be his own to live, his to manage, his to determine,” he writes.

About the toys, he writes, “Every moment your son is awake he is learning as fast as he can and in the best possible way. He is doing it naturally, cultivating his intellectual curiosity and creativity through the joy of discovery. Your son is just as happy, and his neurons are just as happy, playing with a wooden spoon, shiny aluminum pie pans, colorful plastic bowls, or a clattering bundle of plastic measuring cups or spoons. Save your money – you’ll need it for pizza a few years from now.”

My husband has bought River three new toys – spending a total of $25-30. I’ve gotten him some things for free on freecycle, or cheap at garage sales, spending about $6 so far. I’ve visited friends’ homes who have spent more than our entire 10-month toy budget on a single toy. Yes, the $30 texture-rich ball my friend bought at FAO Schwartz was really cute. It did momentarily make us feel like deficient parents for not getting River anything that cool. It even made us want one for him. But I don’t believe that her son will be any smarter in the long run, or even appreciative of that purchase. It seems it’s more gratifying to the parents than it is helpful to the child.

We do have a couple of fun toys and I’m happy that River enjoys them. But I’m probably even happier when he is able to enjoy an autumn leaf with the intensity he does or to point repeatedly at certain objects that catch his attention or find joy in pushing a plastic doorknob cover across the floor.

River is in charge of his exploration of the world right now. All I can do is set the stage for a safe and varied experience. It may change as he grows older and wants to assert himself more. But for now, I’m happy to allow him to be the master of his universe. The love he shows for me is plenty of reward for the help I give him along the way. In the meantime, I look forward to see how this boy develops over the life cycle.

Does this information ring true to parents of boy? Any tips on what boys need from parents that is different from girls?