Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Lacking in ideas

Today I had lunch with a childless friend, who juggles multiple jobs and projects and generally leads an interesting, active and involved life.

I told her how good it was for me to get out, alone, a couple of times a week, even if it’s to go to statistics class.

“Yes, it must be helpful to be around people and to have experiences, which can then give you things to write about,” she said.

True in general, I thought, but not so much of a statistics class. But I didn’t say anything. I commented how even the opportunity to walk to and from class is a welcome relief.

She agreed. “That gives you the chance to think of ideas, or for ideas to connect, so you can later implement them.”

“I’m afraid I’m a bit short on ideas right now,” I said. “I’m in more of a survival mode.”

Part of me knows this is normal and it won’t last forever. But another part felt old and boring at my inability to have exciting ideas percolating through my head as I take walks. My thoughts are more along the lines of – boy it will be nice when spring comes and I can move the stroller along the sidewalks uninhibited. Or: Ouch, the loss of blood to my nipples when I go out in the cold is very painful. Or: If I could get Willow to sleep a little this afternoon, I might be able to put away the new dishes and go through part of the stack of paperwork.

It’s not only a lack of time to think of new and interesting things, but I also feel my mind is operating at reduced capacity. After I backed into another car in a parking lot this weekend (the first time I’ve done that), Mark asked when the 5% loss in brain matter that occurs during pregnancy comes back. I do feel like my driving skills are lower than usual. I lack confidence in my Spanish and I even struggle to find the correct words in English.

Is it lack of sleep, something hormonal, or just me? Does anyone else feel they’ve lost at least a small part of their mind during the newborn days?


LazyBones said...

I think this must be happening to me, although I don't often recognize it, but I am surprisingly content never ever leaving my house, which is very unusual for me. I can only imagine that I'm a little dim-witted as well as over-tired, and (for the past 10 days) sick. Instead of thinking analytically, which is usually how I think about things, I'm preoccupied by the aesthetics of my house and all the things I want to buy when my taxes come in! And when I read, I can't handle any books that require thinking. Fiction only please!

Lainey Wright said...

thanks for this post! -reason numero uno my poor blog has been so neglected...convince me someone else is interested in the super cute shit Xavier said yesterday?...

Although I did read Angela's Ashes on vacation & felt, ever so briefly, like my old self.