preparing for a new baby

One of my several friends who is expecting within the next five months asked me what I thought she needed. She wanted to be parsimonious, but to be prepared. I had asked a friend a similar question when I was pregnant and I really found it helpful to have a list to work from. My friend was so happy she said she was going to register directly off this list.

So in case it’s of use to someone besides her, here is my list of what is useful to get for a first child and what can be skipped:

A friend urged me to get this book. I was sceptical, but I found it at the library, and it actually does really go through what's useful and what's a waste of money. It also helps with recommending brands, so you don't have to do all the research on 50 different items.


For us, the best purchases were:
1. A good swing. The Fisher Price Papasan ROCKS! It was the only way we could get River to sleep during the day for the first 9 months or so.

2. Swaddles. We had the swaddle mes. Also a good sleep aid.

3. A few outfits that have the little hand covers so the baby doesn't scratch himself.

4. The Fisher Price Rainforest jumper. Also a lifesaver from age 4 months on.

5. I resisted the infant car seat, but then a friend lent me her Graco Snug Ride and the stroller frame. This is the ultimate in easy portability. It's lightweight, fits easily into the car and allows the baby to go from the car to the stroller to the house without waking up. After borrowing it for a few weeks, we bought it. The car seats appear for free on Freecycle frequently and can be bought cheap on Craig's List. Unless you want to do some serious running, I think this stroller is sufficient until the baby grows out of the infant seat. At that point, you might have a better idea of what the baby likes. For example, River really loved being upright and looking around. Other kids might prefer reclining and relaxing.

6. The Ergo carrier. Really good from a few months to toddlerhood.

7. Baby Bjorn bibs - these are hard to find and are so superior to anything I've seen in the stores and Baby Bjorn little potties.

8. Diapers and wipes are a good thing to register for because they will be the main expense in the first month. Pampers seems to be the best.

9. My Brest Friend pillow - more practical than the Boppys b/c you can attach it with the belt and move around while the baby is nursing. Pretty handy for doing email while breastfeeding.

10. A good supply of magazines and DVDs for late nights!

11. For travel, the Baby Bjorn travel crib is far superior to anything else out there (at least it was when I bought mine). And it's worth the cost - lightweight and truly sets up and can be taken apart in less than 2 minutes.

12. A large supply of BumGeniuses. I'm sure other brands are just as good. There are downsides to using cloth, including much more of a stank in the house. But these got us from age 3 months or so until we finished with diapers at 25 months and I think we ended up saving a lot by not buying diapers. If you do use cloth, a kitchen size covered garbage can and these liners will do the trick. It took us way too long to figure this out.

13. A baby bathtub - first a small one, than a ring that the baby can sit upright in, but can't fall into the water.

14. A couple of nursing bras

15. A good digital ear thermometer.

16. A pump and related equipment if you plan to pump. I hear the hospital has some available and perhaps it's better to try there. But I was never offered the opportunity to use them.

Mistakes were:
1. Taking a hand-me-down pump with a weak battery (I didn't realize the battery was weak until I handed it down to another friend. But that may have been once cause of my inability to get much milk pumping).

2. Buying a new co-sleeper. It was only used for a few months and we could have bought one used for a fraction of the price.

3. Things like foam for the floor and a gated playpen. Total waste.

4. Not waiting until the birth to buy a baby carrier. I think this is one of those things that it's worth buying from a store, getting fitted, and making sure it works for both mom and baby.

5. Baby Bjorn carrier. Kills the back.

6. Any type of thing we thought he might sleep in during the day. Nothing worked but the swing.

7. We didn't buy a ton of clothes or a ton of toys/books for the first months. But if we had, it would have been a waste.

8. Nursing clothes. Ugly, cheap and a button down blouse can do the same thing.

If I Had to Do it Over Again - Products

If I was going through pregnancy and childbirth again, these are things I would definitely buy, or do without.

During pregnancy:

• What to Expect When You’re Expecting
• Two fatherhood books
• The Snoogle body pillow
• Baby Bargains book
• Almond oil – I used this to avoid stretch marks on the recommendation of a Spanish friend. Don’t know if this is what prevented them, but I made it into the 10% or so of women who avoid stretch marks.
  
  Things I’d do without:
  · Breast pads and lanolin cream. Wait to see if you need them before buying.

Months 0+:

• Swaddle Mes (we used through 7 months)
• A good swing – we loved the Fisher Price Papasan
• Onesies
• What to Expect the First Year
• Sleepsacks
• My Breast Friend (I’d borrow one or buy it used)
• A baby carrier, but I’d purchase it AFTER the child is born to see which one is comfortable and which one the baby likes
• Lots of burp cloths
• For travel, a stroller frame (such as the Graco SnugRide) that accepts a pop-in carseat is the lightest way to go.
• Fenugreek, alfalfa or other milk-producing herb
• A breastpump
• A baby bathtub
• Household help
• Car-I-Oke music CD
• Easy Expressions hands free pumping bra (if breastfeeding and pumping)
  
  Things I’d do without:
  · A boppy
  · A crib or bassinet or playpen – if you think you need one, it’s still a good idea to wait until after the birth to see what the baby will accept. Many babies only want the closeness of another human for the first weeks or months.
  · Lots of fancy clothes – onesies and sleepsacks are the mainstay
  · A fancy stroller
  · Fancy nursery décor – the baby isn’t going to take any notice; it’s only worth it if it makes the parents happy.

Months 3+:

• An Ergo carrier – this is most useful at 6 months+, but it’s the best carrier I’ve come across and good for long-term use. It’s expensive though, so it would be a better deal to find one used.
• A jumper – if your baby isn’t eager to stand, this could wait, but if s/he is, they will love this. We liked the Fisher Price Rainforest Jumper.
• The swing remains very useful
• Some type of bed. If you want to make life easier, probably a crib that you’ll use for the long term would be best.
• BumGenius all-in-one cloth diapers – so easy even the dad accepts them.
  
  Things I’d do without:
  · An exersaucer – unless you can pick one up for free, as you often can on freecycle
  · Any type of travel crib or pen. Unless baby can roll over, a bed or carseat works just fine
  · Any but a few basic toys – the whole world is a toy.
  · Toys, accessories for car or stroller. We just didn’t find them necessary.
  · The chairs that help baby sit – those are useful for about two weeks, if you’re lucky.
  · Rice paper liners for cloth diapers – they irritated Soren’s behind and are only useful until the poops become more solid.
  · Any of the breastpump cleaning supplies – microwave sterilizing kit, wipes, etc. Never used them.
  · A fancy bedtime routine. Maybe some kids need it, but others don’t. No need for parents to stress themselves out with thinking that baby needs a bath every day before bed or other rituals if a bottle and a bedtime song are enough.

Months 6+

• A crib, if you don’t have one already
• Motherease cloth diapers (for home use – you can tell right away when baby is wet. This is useful if you don’t want baby to get used to sitting in wetness)
• Baby Bjorn little potty
• A professional portrait – surprisingly worth it. Sears did a great job
• Silicone ice cube trays and muffin pans for making baby food
• A decent food processor or blender
• An upright seat for the bathtub that keeps baby upright and contained, but allows to interact with water
• Pedometer and The Step Diet book – time to make sure mom is moving enough and beginning to shed that weight
  
  Things I’d do without:
  · Foam for the floor while learning to crawl – the usefulness is also very limited and baby will learn to crawl in any case
• Onesies - once the potty training begins, onesies are a pain to take off and get the baby on the pot. A few would be useful for special occasions. But for home, normal shirts work much better.
  · Shoes – we didn’t see any use for them before he could walk

U.S. Impressions

In the past two weeks in the US, one of the things that strikes me most is the absence of wrinkles on middle-aged women on television. Geena Davis, Christie Brinkley and Oprah Winfrey are only a few examples of women in their 50s and 60s with unrealistically smooth skin. Some look good, others look scary, with their skin plastered against their skulls. I wonder how the numbers are growing among the general population and sense we are reaching a point at which it’s getting more difficult to age gracefully (aka naturally), that wrinkles will stand out even more among age-mates that attempt to maintain their young adult visage.

I’ve also noticed what seems to be fewer SUVS than before, and that makes me happy. On previous visits, I sometimes felt trapped by giant vehicles surrounding me on the freeway. Now, when I take the time to notice, I usually see at least several other small or mid-size cars. The giants are there, but no longer predominant. I guess it’s the cost of gas that may have driven people away. But whatever it is, I appreciate it. For the environment, for the safety of all drivers, and for lessening congestion on the roadway, I think the European model of mini-cars makes society a more pleasant place.

I’ve noticed the opposite trend in baby strollers. Maybe it’s just where I live, but almost no one walks around with a simple umbrella stroller. Despite good sidewalks and a flat, paved landscape, everyone has what one of my friends calls “a beast” – the stroller version of an all-terrain vehicle. I’ve seen them in magazines for $200-$1000 and it’s hard for me to understand what they can offer to make them worth so much money. A good shade, a convertible seat, a smooth ride, a statement of fashion or income, plenty of storage space for mom and dad’s accessories? Maybe after having a child I’ll coming to appreciate those things as being worth hundreds of dollars. But for now, I appreciate the used beast that my friend gave us. It’s down in the basement awaiting its first use. I didn’t even look at its features or test its roll. At the moment, it doesn’t seem important at all.