I’m in a foul mood tonight. Cranky and negative for no apparent reason. Cranky enough that Mark offered to go buy me some dark chocolate, which I had expressed a craving for. That did seem to help.
I wonder if I might be PMS’ing, something I haven’t experienced in a while. Or I might be feeling blue because the breastfeeding is really reaching its end. I know I’ve written about this before. But it seems this might be the end end. There is still milk in both breasts, though River will only take the left, if that. I later discovered that the milk from the right breast now has a salty taste, so I can understand why he goes for the other.
In the past few days, he either sucks for a very short period of time, or he’ll see the breast and either turn his face away or shake his head no. Like “No mom, I’m over that now.”
OK, I’ll accept it. I really will. He’s 12 months old. He’ll be fine. I will probably have another child someday so it’s not the end of the breastfeeding experience. I will have extra freedom, like not necessarily having to get up for the morning feeding, not having to return before his bedtime feeding, not worrying about breastfeeding if I want to go out of town for a few days. Nevertheless, there’s always a certain sadness in being rejected. And a nostalgia for the special time we shared together and that he’s now moving beyond.