I wonder if we’re entering a growth spurt, because we are in a period in which I feel I just don’t get a break – except for these few minutes in which I’m quickly typing this. Willow is feeding constantly and when she’s not feeding, she’s in my arms.
The constant feeding would be a bit more bearable if it wasn’t still painful to nurse on the left side. I avoid it as much as I can, offering her the right breast even when it’s limp and feels it can’t possibly have milk to offer.
Today I face an extra challenge – I’m trying the last of the remedies I’ve heard of for thrush, reducing the sugar in my diet. I’ve saved this for last, hoping I could perhaps get rid of it without denying myself the comfort of sweets. Because on days like today, when she feeds without end and doesn’t nap, there is nothing I want more than to break open a box of caramels and let myself loose.
So much for my goal of pursuing knowledge during maternity leave. I read in bits here and there, but have finished only one book since she was born. Nor have I seen a whole lot of movies. I thought it was the weight of the books, so I bought a Kindle. Then I realized it’s also the pain of nursing on the left, the fatigue, and the fact that there are usually other people around.
This too shall pass. I know. But I still long for 24-hours to myself, during which I’d get a full night’s sleep, get some exercise, read and write for several hours, and perhaps cook something delicious. That is my current daydream.