Eight weeks today and I’m starting to have hope that things are going to get a bit easier. Willow still sleeps through the night, usually waking up for feedings around 1, 4 and 6 a.m. But some nights she only wakes up twice. And one night she only woke up once – at 1 a.m. That was heaven.
Even better is that she’s starting to take some naps during the day and to be more content to spend some time in her Bjorn babysitter and occasionally, even the swing.
Yesterday was a milestone in that I cooked my first dish from scratch since her birth. It took days to choose the recipe, get the ingredients, line them up, then find time when I could manage to prepare it. I ended up doing much of it while bouncing Willow against my chest in the Ergo, or entertaining her in the babysitter. But I ended up with a pot of stew – enough for several servings to go into the freezer for later and some to eat fresh.
My relations with both of the kids seem to be back on keel. River is happy and well-adjusted. Willow is filling out and I love to marvel at her smiles and her increasingly strong body. I don’t like being home alone with both of them, but I’m starting to venture out with both of them more often, usually doing something each week. Normally it’s just to church, but yesterday we went to a planetarium with a friend and her son, and perhaps soon I’ll start going to the gym. I’ve only gone to places where there is another adult present to help keep an eye on River though – no shopping trips with them both yet.
My only real break remains my three weekly excursions to my statistics class. Who would have thought that statistics would be my welcome release? But it’s a start. Hopefully one of these days I’ll again be able to devote several hours to knocking things off my to-do list, reading a book, or doing something fun for myself.
Starting today I am upping my daily step goal by 500 steps per week and reducing my caloric intake by 25%. Since my caloric intake started out very high, and since I’ve already had to eliminate sweets, white carbs and other delicious things, I don’t expect it to be too hard initially.
Subscribe to this blog's posts
Posts
All Comments
Showing posts with label newborn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label newborn. Show all posts
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The early introduction of formula
I still go to the breastfeeding support group weekly and I’m pretty much the only person who attends so regularly. In seeing a lot of moms with newborns over the past several weeks, I’ve heard so many who were told they should supplement with formula in the first days due to the baby losing too much weight. “My baby lost 11% of her weight!” one said, without realizing that 11% of seven pounds is not that much.
It makes me sad to see so many moms caused to worry when initial weight loss is normal for so many babies.
“Maybe I wouldn’t listen if it was my second child,” one new mom said. “But with a first child, you don’t know what you are doing and you don’t want to take any chances. So you do what the doctor says.”
It makes me so glad that we had a doula our first time around. She encouraged me to have the confidence that my body would do what it needed to do. I needed that encouragement, as my body took a very long time to do it. Long enough for River to lose over a pound. Long enough for the pediatricians to express concern, to suggest formula repeatedly. Long enough for River’s lips to become chapped from dehydration. I think it was somewhere around a week when my milk finally came in.
I never had a copious supply, but it was adequate. If I had supplemented earlier, I wouldn’t have had enough and I’m doubtful I could have caught up.
This time, Willow dropped from 7 pounds 15 ounces to 7 pounds 5 ounces and our pediatrician expressed concern. She sent us home with a sizeable sample of newborn formula, in ready-to-feed bottles. She worried about the lack of poopy diapers as well as the weight loss. This time, we were able to ignore her supplementation suggestion with confidence. We put the formula in the corner, the milk came in (earlier than last time) and she’s been doing fine.
Week after week, I see women struggling to pump and to get their supplies back in line after introducing formula. As one woman described it, once the formula is introduced, it’s a downward slide from there in terms of breastfeeding.
That was the case for us. Once I started giving River a decent amount of formula (around six months) I was never able to give him only breastmilk again. I was able to give him some breastmilk until he was a year old, but I constantly struggled to pump and felt like I was always behind.
I don’t think this is a bad thing if formula is the right choice for a family. But it makes me sad to see women with newborns, who wanted to breastfeed exclusively, but were instructed by people they trusted to introduce formula so early.
I imagine in some of their cases it may have been necessary. I think in many of them, it may not have been. That perhaps they could have used a little encouragement to ignore the scale and the diaper counts and the precise measurements of what goes in and out, and instead to trust their bodies to do what is needed for their babies.
It makes me sad to see so many moms caused to worry when initial weight loss is normal for so many babies.
“Maybe I wouldn’t listen if it was my second child,” one new mom said. “But with a first child, you don’t know what you are doing and you don’t want to take any chances. So you do what the doctor says.”
It makes me so glad that we had a doula our first time around. She encouraged me to have the confidence that my body would do what it needed to do. I needed that encouragement, as my body took a very long time to do it. Long enough for River to lose over a pound. Long enough for the pediatricians to express concern, to suggest formula repeatedly. Long enough for River’s lips to become chapped from dehydration. I think it was somewhere around a week when my milk finally came in.
I never had a copious supply, but it was adequate. If I had supplemented earlier, I wouldn’t have had enough and I’m doubtful I could have caught up.
This time, Willow dropped from 7 pounds 15 ounces to 7 pounds 5 ounces and our pediatrician expressed concern. She sent us home with a sizeable sample of newborn formula, in ready-to-feed bottles. She worried about the lack of poopy diapers as well as the weight loss. This time, we were able to ignore her supplementation suggestion with confidence. We put the formula in the corner, the milk came in (earlier than last time) and she’s been doing fine.
Week after week, I see women struggling to pump and to get their supplies back in line after introducing formula. As one woman described it, once the formula is introduced, it’s a downward slide from there in terms of breastfeeding.
That was the case for us. Once I started giving River a decent amount of formula (around six months) I was never able to give him only breastmilk again. I was able to give him some breastmilk until he was a year old, but I constantly struggled to pump and felt like I was always behind.
I don’t think this is a bad thing if formula is the right choice for a family. But it makes me sad to see women with newborns, who wanted to breastfeed exclusively, but were instructed by people they trusted to introduce formula so early.
I imagine in some of their cases it may have been necessary. I think in many of them, it may not have been. That perhaps they could have used a little encouragement to ignore the scale and the diaper counts and the precise measurements of what goes in and out, and instead to trust their bodies to do what is needed for their babies.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
At seven weeks
Willow has developed rolls of fat around her upper thighs, her neck and her wrists. This is good for her sake (she must be gaining sufficient weight, though I haven’t weighed her since she was 7 pounds 5 oz) and for mine (I must be providing enough milk, despite our difficulties).
I am full-out fighting thrush, but it is still winning. The big crack from the early days is still there. I wonder if my nipples will ever be normal again.
We are getting smiles and coos and these light up our lives. There is nothing more heartwarming than my baby looking up at me and smiling. I feel a great sense of fulfillment in ensuring her happiness and well-being.
I have yet to try pumping or giving Willow a bottle. I’ve wanted to wait until we get over all our breastfeeding problems before I add another element into the picture. I wonder if this is a mistake.
River seems to have returned to his cheerful, good-natured self. He is wonderful with Willow, telling me she needs milk when she cries, giving her kisses, and caressing her fingers. It’s beautiful to watch. Though his relationship with Mark has strengthened in the past several weeks, I still feel our bond and that is reassuring. He watched part of a movie about Lagos with me and asked me repeatedly to take him to Nigeria. I didn’t assent as willingly as I do to his requests to travel to other places (I’d be nervous about going to Lagos myself), but I do love the possibility that he may someday be interested in joining me on some adventures.
I will leave Willow for an hour or two at a time. But since I have no food to leave with whoever is caring for her, it’s a precarious situation. I do it only when it’s necessary (mainly my class – which meets three times a week) or quick (taking River to Spanish story hour or other short outings).
It seems kind of early to me, but it feels like Willow is already on something pretty close to a schedule. She sleeps from somewhere between 6 and 8 p.m. until about 7 a.m., waking up for feedings in between and then going back to sleep. She gets tired in the late morning and might sleep a bit. The best way to get a nap of any significant length is to take her on a car ride. Then I can carry the car seat into the house and if I’m lucky, I might get an hour or two.
A pedometer has been reattached to my hip and I’m slowing increasing my goal for daily movement. I’m now at the rather modest goal of 4,500 steps per day. But even that is forcing me out of the house more, even into the cold. I can’t wait for spring to arrive.
I’m pretty sure I’ve spent more on breastfeeding issues in the past seven weeks than formula would have cost. At some point, I’d like to do the math. Though breastfeeding is something I want to do, and something I want to give my baby, it bothers me when people argue that it’s easy and cheap. Some social assistance programs are now promoting breastfeeding among low-income women. Which might be great. Their babies need the benefits as much as anyone else. But it is not fair to put a lot of pressure on women to breastfeed without also offering the supports needed to do so successfully. As in sufficient time off of work, the time and space to pump at work, the equipment needed to pump, and care for older siblings to allow time to breastfeed and/or pump. I have all of those things and am still struggling enough that at times I wondered if I could continue.
It seems so obvious, but I’m often amazed at just how dependent babies are on those around them. I understand how what happens now, when they are so helpless, can shape them for the long term. Thinking of the babies who are ignored, mistreated or otherwise acquainted with the harshness of the world from their earliest days makes me very sad.
I’m so grateful for the maternity leave I have. If I had to go back now, as many American women do, I’d have to stop breastfeeding. If I had to go back after 12 weeks, I would spend the entire leave either trying to solve breastfeeding problems and/or preparing to pump for work. I wouldn’t be able to experience even a week of relaxed quality time with my baby. And since I’m doubtful I could pump enough right off the bat to cover the absence a full-time job would require, we’d probably have to start supplementing and breastfeeding would then begin its slide.
I am full-out fighting thrush, but it is still winning. The big crack from the early days is still there. I wonder if my nipples will ever be normal again.
We are getting smiles and coos and these light up our lives. There is nothing more heartwarming than my baby looking up at me and smiling. I feel a great sense of fulfillment in ensuring her happiness and well-being.
I have yet to try pumping or giving Willow a bottle. I’ve wanted to wait until we get over all our breastfeeding problems before I add another element into the picture. I wonder if this is a mistake.
River seems to have returned to his cheerful, good-natured self. He is wonderful with Willow, telling me she needs milk when she cries, giving her kisses, and caressing her fingers. It’s beautiful to watch. Though his relationship with Mark has strengthened in the past several weeks, I still feel our bond and that is reassuring. He watched part of a movie about Lagos with me and asked me repeatedly to take him to Nigeria. I didn’t assent as willingly as I do to his requests to travel to other places (I’d be nervous about going to Lagos myself), but I do love the possibility that he may someday be interested in joining me on some adventures.
I will leave Willow for an hour or two at a time. But since I have no food to leave with whoever is caring for her, it’s a precarious situation. I do it only when it’s necessary (mainly my class – which meets three times a week) or quick (taking River to Spanish story hour or other short outings).
It seems kind of early to me, but it feels like Willow is already on something pretty close to a schedule. She sleeps from somewhere between 6 and 8 p.m. until about 7 a.m., waking up for feedings in between and then going back to sleep. She gets tired in the late morning and might sleep a bit. The best way to get a nap of any significant length is to take her on a car ride. Then I can carry the car seat into the house and if I’m lucky, I might get an hour or two.
A pedometer has been reattached to my hip and I’m slowing increasing my goal for daily movement. I’m now at the rather modest goal of 4,500 steps per day. But even that is forcing me out of the house more, even into the cold. I can’t wait for spring to arrive.
I’m pretty sure I’ve spent more on breastfeeding issues in the past seven weeks than formula would have cost. At some point, I’d like to do the math. Though breastfeeding is something I want to do, and something I want to give my baby, it bothers me when people argue that it’s easy and cheap. Some social assistance programs are now promoting breastfeeding among low-income women. Which might be great. Their babies need the benefits as much as anyone else. But it is not fair to put a lot of pressure on women to breastfeed without also offering the supports needed to do so successfully. As in sufficient time off of work, the time and space to pump at work, the equipment needed to pump, and care for older siblings to allow time to breastfeed and/or pump. I have all of those things and am still struggling enough that at times I wondered if I could continue.
It seems so obvious, but I’m often amazed at just how dependent babies are on those around them. I understand how what happens now, when they are so helpless, can shape them for the long term. Thinking of the babies who are ignored, mistreated or otherwise acquainted with the harshness of the world from their earliest days makes me very sad.
I’m so grateful for the maternity leave I have. If I had to go back now, as many American women do, I’d have to stop breastfeeding. If I had to go back after 12 weeks, I would spend the entire leave either trying to solve breastfeeding problems and/or preparing to pump for work. I wouldn’t be able to experience even a week of relaxed quality time with my baby. And since I’m doubtful I could pump enough right off the bat to cover the absence a full-time job would require, we’d probably have to start supplementing and breastfeeding would then begin its slide.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
My life has become a battle with thrush
It’s all out war now. I’ve had enough of this thrush, of the burning pain, of the bright red nipples, of the many supplements, medications and procedures aimed to kill it. I’m finally taking the last of the possible steps – which is cutting out (or at least drastically reducing) the sugars and white carbs in my diet, as well as yeast. I was hoping to not have to take this step. As a big eater and admitted sugarholic, this is killer for me, especially while breastfeeding. When I’m tired and stressed and not getting out much, sometimes all I want is some chocolate. But now I can’t.
If there are any thrush experts out there, would you please let me know if there is anything I’m missing in my attempts to get rid of this? Here is what I’m doing:
Baby:
-tried Nystation for a short time, then went on Diflucan for two weeks. Medicine is about gone now.
Mom:
-on Diflucan for about four weeks now
-taking Natren Healthy Trinity 3 times a day (two pills each time)
-taking 250g grapefruit seed extract three times a day
-applying liquid grapefruit seed extract to nipples
-wearing bras and shirts and using towels only once.
-rinsing clothing in vinegar during wash
-applying Dr. Jack Newman’s all purpose nipple ointment after each feeding. This contains Mupirocin 2% ointment (15 grams), Betamethasone 0.1% ointment (15 grams) and miconazole powder so that the final concentration is 2% miconazole
-taking one capsule of coconut oil per day and using coconut oil for any cooking (which isn’t much)
-each yogurt and grapefruit daily
-just recently, started avoiding white carbs and sweets.
-have been attending a weekly breastfeeding support group to get assistance.
If there are any thrush experts out there, would you please let me know if there is anything I’m missing in my attempts to get rid of this? Here is what I’m doing:
Baby:
-tried Nystation for a short time, then went on Diflucan for two weeks. Medicine is about gone now.
Mom:
-on Diflucan for about four weeks now
-taking Natren Healthy Trinity 3 times a day (two pills each time)
-taking 250g grapefruit seed extract three times a day
-applying liquid grapefruit seed extract to nipples
-wearing bras and shirts and using towels only once.
-rinsing clothing in vinegar during wash
-applying Dr. Jack Newman’s all purpose nipple ointment after each feeding. This contains Mupirocin 2% ointment (15 grams), Betamethasone 0.1% ointment (15 grams) and miconazole powder so that the final concentration is 2% miconazole
-taking one capsule of coconut oil per day and using coconut oil for any cooking (which isn’t much)
-each yogurt and grapefruit daily
-just recently, started avoiding white carbs and sweets.
-have been attending a weekly breastfeeding support group to get assistance.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Back to school
Nothing quite makes me feel as old as walking into a classroom of 19-20-year-olds, arriving late because my post-partum legs don’t move at the same speed as they did a few months ago, worrying whether or not I have spit-up running down the back of my shirt, then realizing my shirt is unbuttoned just a little too far, because the last thing I did before leaving the house was to try to get some more milk into the baby so that she’d last two hours without me. Fun times.
That said, it’s fantastic to get out, to not have a cell phone, and no kids anywhere around. The class is not going to be difficult, but I think I can learn something. It’s great to just sit back and be able to listen.
All those fun classes I hoped to take – I missed them by 20 minutes. On the day I could register online to audit, River was participating in a study and we had researchers at our house. I wasn’t involved, but it distracted my attention enough that I forgot to go online when registration begin. By the time I remembered, 20 minutes later, the literature course I was excited about was full. As was a course on the history of medicine. And several other fun classes I had my eye on. Guess which class still had all of its auditing slots open and was no problem to get in? Yep, statistics.
I had thought I might take that in addition to a fun one. In the end, it’s the only course I could get into. I signed up for an online course on the current economic situation, so at least I have something not entirely work-related. And unlike last semester, when I risked losing several thousand dollars if I didn’t get a B, this time there is no pressure and no work. Nevertheless, I’d still rather have some pressure to get through Ulysses with the benefit of some explanation than read yet another statistics textbook. Oh well.
Good news is that the bouncy seat works. Yay! We’ve gotten her to sleep in it, and to chill for a good 15 minutes or so.
That said, it’s fantastic to get out, to not have a cell phone, and no kids anywhere around. The class is not going to be difficult, but I think I can learn something. It’s great to just sit back and be able to listen.
All those fun classes I hoped to take – I missed them by 20 minutes. On the day I could register online to audit, River was participating in a study and we had researchers at our house. I wasn’t involved, but it distracted my attention enough that I forgot to go online when registration begin. By the time I remembered, 20 minutes later, the literature course I was excited about was full. As was a course on the history of medicine. And several other fun classes I had my eye on. Guess which class still had all of its auditing slots open and was no problem to get in? Yep, statistics.
I had thought I might take that in addition to a fun one. In the end, it’s the only course I could get into. I signed up for an online course on the current economic situation, so at least I have something not entirely work-related. And unlike last semester, when I risked losing several thousand dollars if I didn’t get a B, this time there is no pressure and no work. Nevertheless, I’d still rather have some pressure to get through Ulysses with the benefit of some explanation than read yet another statistics textbook. Oh well.
Good news is that the bouncy seat works. Yay! We’ve gotten her to sleep in it, and to chill for a good 15 minutes or so.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Putting my faith in a bouncy seat
When River was a baby, our friends had a Baby Bjorn bouncy seat. It bounces only with the babies movement and had sides that enclosed the baby, making it feel more secure. I thought it would be nice to have, but upon looking at the price, and not finding any secondhand models, I decided to skip it.
Then I realized I couldn’t put Willow down and that the swing that was such a godsend with River doesn’t work with her. I started to daydream about the Bjorn bouncy seat. I kept looking for a used one. With no luck, I decided to wait it out. It wasn’t worth spending over $100 for something that would only be useful for a few months.
Then I got desperate. If I could put her down for an hour or two a day, and I multiplied that by a hundred days, it would be a small price to pay for freedom of movement. So I placed the order.
I purchased it from a third party seller on Amazon and it took almost two weeks to arrive. Every day I’d look out the door in anticipation of a box that I hoped would be my salvation. Finally, it arrived today.
When I put her in it hungry, she cried immediately and I despaired. When I put her in just after a feeding, she lasted a good 15 minutes – almost a record.
Today we visited some friends with a three-month old baby and a toddler about River’s age. The mom said she cooks dinner and I asked how she could possibly do it. Then I saw how she was able to put her baby in his bouncy seat, on his play mat, and he sat there contentedly while she ran outside for a minute and did things around the house.
I love my baby, I’m happy to be with her, I’m happy to hold her. But I’m not so good at having my productivity limited to just putting milk into her system. My super long to-do list only seems to be growing.
One person said her mother told her to not let babies “get used to being in arms.” Another said she may need to cry for a few days.
I don’t have a problem with babies crying, especially after six months or so when patterns are being formed and they need to learn what will and won’t work within a family. But it does make me uncomfortable in the first three months, or the fourth trimester. I feel like she’s not so much getting used to being in arms, as she came out accustomed to tight quarters in the womb. It takes time to get used to open space.
I’m hoping that by three months or so, she’ll have adapted and I can put her down more. Or am I wrong? Am I getting her used to something that can’t be maintained long-term? If my uber-expensive bouncy seat fails me, do I have other options besides constantly holding her, letting her cry, or just waiting a while longer?
Then I realized I couldn’t put Willow down and that the swing that was such a godsend with River doesn’t work with her. I started to daydream about the Bjorn bouncy seat. I kept looking for a used one. With no luck, I decided to wait it out. It wasn’t worth spending over $100 for something that would only be useful for a few months.
Then I got desperate. If I could put her down for an hour or two a day, and I multiplied that by a hundred days, it would be a small price to pay for freedom of movement. So I placed the order.
I purchased it from a third party seller on Amazon and it took almost two weeks to arrive. Every day I’d look out the door in anticipation of a box that I hoped would be my salvation. Finally, it arrived today.
When I put her in it hungry, she cried immediately and I despaired. When I put her in just after a feeding, she lasted a good 15 minutes – almost a record.
Today we visited some friends with a three-month old baby and a toddler about River’s age. The mom said she cooks dinner and I asked how she could possibly do it. Then I saw how she was able to put her baby in his bouncy seat, on his play mat, and he sat there contentedly while she ran outside for a minute and did things around the house.
I love my baby, I’m happy to be with her, I’m happy to hold her. But I’m not so good at having my productivity limited to just putting milk into her system. My super long to-do list only seems to be growing.
One person said her mother told her to not let babies “get used to being in arms.” Another said she may need to cry for a few days.
I don’t have a problem with babies crying, especially after six months or so when patterns are being formed and they need to learn what will and won’t work within a family. But it does make me uncomfortable in the first three months, or the fourth trimester. I feel like she’s not so much getting used to being in arms, as she came out accustomed to tight quarters in the womb. It takes time to get used to open space.
I’m hoping that by three months or so, she’ll have adapted and I can put her down more. Or am I wrong? Am I getting her used to something that can’t be maintained long-term? If my uber-expensive bouncy seat fails me, do I have other options besides constantly holding her, letting her cry, or just waiting a while longer?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Mom needs a break
I wonder if we’re entering a growth spurt, because we are in a period in which I feel I just don’t get a break – except for these few minutes in which I’m quickly typing this. Willow is feeding constantly and when she’s not feeding, she’s in my arms.
The constant feeding would be a bit more bearable if it wasn’t still painful to nurse on the left side. I avoid it as much as I can, offering her the right breast even when it’s limp and feels it can’t possibly have milk to offer.
Today I face an extra challenge – I’m trying the last of the remedies I’ve heard of for thrush, reducing the sugar in my diet. I’ve saved this for last, hoping I could perhaps get rid of it without denying myself the comfort of sweets. Because on days like today, when she feeds without end and doesn’t nap, there is nothing I want more than to break open a box of caramels and let myself loose.
So much for my goal of pursuing knowledge during maternity leave. I read in bits here and there, but have finished only one book since she was born. Nor have I seen a whole lot of movies. I thought it was the weight of the books, so I bought a Kindle. Then I realized it’s also the pain of nursing on the left, the fatigue, and the fact that there are usually other people around.
This too shall pass. I know. But I still long for 24-hours to myself, during which I’d get a full night’s sleep, get some exercise, read and write for several hours, and perhaps cook something delicious. That is my current daydream.
The constant feeding would be a bit more bearable if it wasn’t still painful to nurse on the left side. I avoid it as much as I can, offering her the right breast even when it’s limp and feels it can’t possibly have milk to offer.
Today I face an extra challenge – I’m trying the last of the remedies I’ve heard of for thrush, reducing the sugar in my diet. I’ve saved this for last, hoping I could perhaps get rid of it without denying myself the comfort of sweets. Because on days like today, when she feeds without end and doesn’t nap, there is nothing I want more than to break open a box of caramels and let myself loose.
So much for my goal of pursuing knowledge during maternity leave. I read in bits here and there, but have finished only one book since she was born. Nor have I seen a whole lot of movies. I thought it was the weight of the books, so I bought a Kindle. Then I realized it’s also the pain of nursing on the left, the fatigue, and the fact that there are usually other people around.
This too shall pass. I know. But I still long for 24-hours to myself, during which I’d get a full night’s sleep, get some exercise, read and write for several hours, and perhaps cook something delicious. That is my current daydream.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Mobility, or lack thereof
I’m a bit tired, though I feel like I shouldn’t be. I get a decent amount of sleep, even though I’m awakened a few times per night. I have plenty of good food, I eat well. But I have a baby in my arms almost all the time and I’m starting to long for more independent movement. Also, I’m not always meeting my goal of a daily walk and am beginning to crave exercise.
I tried a baby carrier I was given, but it’s meant for babies that can already sit upright with their legs apart and that’s not the case for us yet. I finally dug out the Ergo and tried it today. She is now asleep on my chest, I have two hands free and can walk around. Yay! I’m hoping it might aid her in getting some longer stretches of sleep during the day, and allow me to move around more and do things I’ve been neglecting – like typing – that I can only do with two hands.
I’m starting to feel the ennui of sitting in one or two places and not being able to move much. It’s been almost a month since she was born and in that time, I finished my statistics exam and I’m almost done with holiday cards. That’s not a lot to knock off my to-do list in 3.5 weeks. I feel like I could use the whole six month maternity leave just to finish my administrative and nesting projects.
I do still love looking at Willow’s delicate, precious little face. River seems happier and I’m hoping he’s starting to adjust. I know it’s just a matter of time until I can resume the things I used to do. But in the meantime, I look at people, like those working on their computers in a café, who don’t have babies attached to them, who are not nervously watching the clock, thinking about how long they can be away before the baby starts to cry for milk, and I feel like we live in different worlds.
I tried a baby carrier I was given, but it’s meant for babies that can already sit upright with their legs apart and that’s not the case for us yet. I finally dug out the Ergo and tried it today. She is now asleep on my chest, I have two hands free and can walk around. Yay! I’m hoping it might aid her in getting some longer stretches of sleep during the day, and allow me to move around more and do things I’ve been neglecting – like typing – that I can only do with two hands.
I’m starting to feel the ennui of sitting in one or two places and not being able to move much. It’s been almost a month since she was born and in that time, I finished my statistics exam and I’m almost done with holiday cards. That’s not a lot to knock off my to-do list in 3.5 weeks. I feel like I could use the whole six month maternity leave just to finish my administrative and nesting projects.
I do still love looking at Willow’s delicate, precious little face. River seems happier and I’m hoping he’s starting to adjust. I know it’s just a matter of time until I can resume the things I used to do. But in the meantime, I look at people, like those working on their computers in a café, who don’t have babies attached to them, who are not nervously watching the clock, thinking about how long they can be away before the baby starts to cry for milk, and I feel like we live in different worlds.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
The magic of the car
I’m having an unusually easy day. I took both the kids to a play center. Willow fell asleep on the way there and stayed asleep for the entire three hours. I woke her a half hour before leaving in order to feed her.
Then she fell asleep again on the way home and has been asleep for another few hours. All it takes is a short trip in a car. I have yet to try this method just to put her to sleep, but wow, is it ever nice to have a few hours of free movement to myself.
Then she fell asleep again on the way home and has been asleep for another few hours. All it takes is a short trip in a car. I have yet to try this method just to put her to sleep, but wow, is it ever nice to have a few hours of free movement to myself.
Friday, January 7, 2011
frenulum cut, help sought
It’s done. The process was probably as painful for me as it was for her. But I’m really pleased with the doctor, who was kind and solicitous and I think the procedure was successful. It no longer feels like a suction cup on my breast when she latches on and her gums no longer feel like rows of teeth, or knives.
We’re still struggling with thrush, but one problem down, one to go, is pretty good.
Just before getting the frenulum cut, I attended a breastfeeding support group offered by our hospital. It was run by a fantastic lactation consultant, who my friend had recommended, and she offered me some very helpful tips. I’ve been very hesitant to pay for a lactation consultant. I think I’ve been too affected by arguments that breastfeeding is cheap and easy. I know that’s not true, but I still have trouble paying a consultant for something that is supposed to save money. Nevertheless, I now see the value of one-on-one assistance.
She showed me a new way to get Willow to latch on that is a bit less painful on the hurt side and she recommended an ointment for my nipples that is specially for women dealing with thrush and injured nipples. She also recommended the Kelly Mom and the Dr. Jack Newman sites for recommendations on how to deal with thrush. Hopefully I’ll find time soon to be able to read them in detail.
Thrush is evil and no fun to fight. I look forward to this being over. In the meantime, I’m grateful for the resources that provide advice and assistance and I’m glad that this time around, I’m not hesitating to make use of them.
We’re still struggling with thrush, but one problem down, one to go, is pretty good.
Just before getting the frenulum cut, I attended a breastfeeding support group offered by our hospital. It was run by a fantastic lactation consultant, who my friend had recommended, and she offered me some very helpful tips. I’ve been very hesitant to pay for a lactation consultant. I think I’ve been too affected by arguments that breastfeeding is cheap and easy. I know that’s not true, but I still have trouble paying a consultant for something that is supposed to save money. Nevertheless, I now see the value of one-on-one assistance.
She showed me a new way to get Willow to latch on that is a bit less painful on the hurt side and she recommended an ointment for my nipples that is specially for women dealing with thrush and injured nipples. She also recommended the Kelly Mom and the Dr. Jack Newman sites for recommendations on how to deal with thrush. Hopefully I’ll find time soon to be able to read them in detail.
Thrush is evil and no fun to fight. I look forward to this being over. In the meantime, I’m grateful for the resources that provide advice and assistance and I’m glad that this time around, I’m not hesitating to make use of them.
tongue-tied
Breastfeeding has been painful. Painful enough that I count down the days to visit an otolaryngologist (new word for me, but hey, just another thing that parenting makes you an expert in). Painful enough that I’m now counting down the hours until they cut my daughter’s frenulum, the underside of her tongue – 3 hours to go!
A lactation consultant at the hospital first suggested she might have a short frenulum and another seconded that opinion. They also commented that her suck was like a vacuum extractor. Within days, my nipples were red and covered with scabs.
Those eventually went away and I thought I was toughening up, but the redness remained, as well as a burning sensation that lasted long after nursing. I thought it must be thrush, which we suffered with River, and got treatment for both of us. The doctor didn’t seem convinced though. When I initially told her about the lactation consultants’ concerns, she said, “We’re not going to cut her tongue.” I accepted that and didn’t bring it up again.
But when she expressed some doubt about the thrust, I asked, “Can you think of anything else that would cause my breasts to burn?” and she gave me a referral to an otolaryngologist.
My first thought upon hearing the possibility of cutting her tongue was one of repulsion, an instinct of no way. Then the pain continued, and got worse. I now have a crack half way around a nipple, so large I can see the skin underneath, and part of that is turning white, making me think it could be getting infected. I dread giving her that breast. I offer her the right one three times for each time I reluctantly put her on the left. I can’t keep this up.
I have a good friend who is in to all kinds of natural treatments. Like me, she is disturbed by the thought of circumcising a male baby. Yet she told me her son was diagnosed as tongue-tied at age two months, she didn’t cut his frenulum, and she wishes she had.
She told me that breastfeeding was continually painful for her and that addressing the problem would not only allow me to breastfeed, it would improve our relationship. I think that is true because at the moment, when I put her on the left breast, I’m clamping her head in a vice-like grip, sweating and panting. Not exactly great bonding time. She also said that her son, now three, is lisping, and that cutting it early probably would have prevented that.
Our first visit to an EMT confirmed that her frenulum was “tight” but that practice only does the cutting in a hospital, with intubation and general anesthesia. Pretty freaky for a two-week old.
There are so many more serious issues that many new parents are dealing with. I feel lucky that she is healthy and happy. But still, to be told that a baby this small could use a procedure is stressful. Even more so when the thought of having my own frenulum cut inspires horror and revulsion. The tongue is one of those things you just don’t want to have to cut. Trying to do research, find doctors, make and get to appointments, is extra difficult with a newborn.
After two visits to the hospital-only doctors, I found two other doctors who do it in their offices. We went with one that uses a novocaine shot. Here’s hoping it works!
A lactation consultant at the hospital first suggested she might have a short frenulum and another seconded that opinion. They also commented that her suck was like a vacuum extractor. Within days, my nipples were red and covered with scabs.
Those eventually went away and I thought I was toughening up, but the redness remained, as well as a burning sensation that lasted long after nursing. I thought it must be thrush, which we suffered with River, and got treatment for both of us. The doctor didn’t seem convinced though. When I initially told her about the lactation consultants’ concerns, she said, “We’re not going to cut her tongue.” I accepted that and didn’t bring it up again.
But when she expressed some doubt about the thrust, I asked, “Can you think of anything else that would cause my breasts to burn?” and she gave me a referral to an otolaryngologist.
My first thought upon hearing the possibility of cutting her tongue was one of repulsion, an instinct of no way. Then the pain continued, and got worse. I now have a crack half way around a nipple, so large I can see the skin underneath, and part of that is turning white, making me think it could be getting infected. I dread giving her that breast. I offer her the right one three times for each time I reluctantly put her on the left. I can’t keep this up.
I have a good friend who is in to all kinds of natural treatments. Like me, she is disturbed by the thought of circumcising a male baby. Yet she told me her son was diagnosed as tongue-tied at age two months, she didn’t cut his frenulum, and she wishes she had.
She told me that breastfeeding was continually painful for her and that addressing the problem would not only allow me to breastfeed, it would improve our relationship. I think that is true because at the moment, when I put her on the left breast, I’m clamping her head in a vice-like grip, sweating and panting. Not exactly great bonding time. She also said that her son, now three, is lisping, and that cutting it early probably would have prevented that.
Our first visit to an EMT confirmed that her frenulum was “tight” but that practice only does the cutting in a hospital, with intubation and general anesthesia. Pretty freaky for a two-week old.
There are so many more serious issues that many new parents are dealing with. I feel lucky that she is healthy and happy. But still, to be told that a baby this small could use a procedure is stressful. Even more so when the thought of having my own frenulum cut inspires horror and revulsion. The tongue is one of those things you just don’t want to have to cut. Trying to do research, find doctors, make and get to appointments, is extra difficult with a newborn.
After two visits to the hospital-only doctors, I found two other doctors who do it in their offices. We went with one that uses a novocaine shot. Here’s hoping it works!
Monday, January 3, 2011
First two weeks
Willow is now two weeks and one day old. I’ve been counting down to today, because this is the day I am able to start treating her with Diflucan for thrush. And tomorrow we see the pediatric EMT about her possible short frenulum. I’m hoping that one or both of these things will stop the pain of breastfeeding, which remains intense on the left side.
Willow still sleeps quite well and does not make a peep during the night, except when having her diaper changed. This has been enough of a pattern that I’m hoping we truly did hit the jackpot and have gotten a second easy baby.
I don’t consider myself an attachment parent, but I sure have been one lately. The baby is on me, or within six inches of me, for 21-23 hours a day. While I appreciate having my hands free for a while and look forward to increased periods of time when I can get things done, I’ve quite enjoyed her presence.
While Willow has been calm and easy, River has suddenly become very difficult. He spends more time crying each day than Willow does. Our calm, sweet, gentle boy is suddenly demanding, obstinate and throws frequent tantrums. It’s hard to break down how much of it is the new arrival versus getting spoiled by the grandparents, being sick, being largely abandoned by mom, or just being three. Though he’s definitely more angry these days, he doesn’t take it out on Willow. He often ignores her, but when he does pay attention, as he especially tends to do when they are both in their carseats, he will say things like, “The baby is very pretty,” or “Mom, the baby is crying, go to her.”
I’m starting to get out and about more. I’m taking Willow for walks and we’ve gone to a few stores. I feel like I’m on a short leash though, unless there is a place I can breastfeed enroute. If she suddenly demands food and starts to wail, there is no other way to quiet here. This makes me tend toward visiting places and stores that have a place to sit down, and avoiding those that don’t.
I finally, finally, finished the silly statistics exam. Now I can start using my few spare moments to do the things I wanted to do before she was born, like work on my nesting projects and watch lots of movies.
While the first week was pretty rough physically, I made a lot of progress in healing the second week. I’m pretty functional at this point and think I’m going to be healed a lot quicker this time around compared to last. I enjoyed several days of my weight dropping two pounds per day, regardless of how many cookies I ate. That sadly ended and my weight started to go up. My stomach has largely returned to normal. There is just a small pouch left and the shadow of the linea negra. But my hips, thighs and rear end are huge and probably won’t go away until I make a concerted effort and/or stop breastfeeding.
Willow still sleeps quite well and does not make a peep during the night, except when having her diaper changed. This has been enough of a pattern that I’m hoping we truly did hit the jackpot and have gotten a second easy baby.
I don’t consider myself an attachment parent, but I sure have been one lately. The baby is on me, or within six inches of me, for 21-23 hours a day. While I appreciate having my hands free for a while and look forward to increased periods of time when I can get things done, I’ve quite enjoyed her presence.
While Willow has been calm and easy, River has suddenly become very difficult. He spends more time crying each day than Willow does. Our calm, sweet, gentle boy is suddenly demanding, obstinate and throws frequent tantrums. It’s hard to break down how much of it is the new arrival versus getting spoiled by the grandparents, being sick, being largely abandoned by mom, or just being three. Though he’s definitely more angry these days, he doesn’t take it out on Willow. He often ignores her, but when he does pay attention, as he especially tends to do when they are both in their carseats, he will say things like, “The baby is very pretty,” or “Mom, the baby is crying, go to her.”
I’m starting to get out and about more. I’m taking Willow for walks and we’ve gone to a few stores. I feel like I’m on a short leash though, unless there is a place I can breastfeed enroute. If she suddenly demands food and starts to wail, there is no other way to quiet here. This makes me tend toward visiting places and stores that have a place to sit down, and avoiding those that don’t.
I finally, finally, finished the silly statistics exam. Now I can start using my few spare moments to do the things I wanted to do before she was born, like work on my nesting projects and watch lots of movies.
While the first week was pretty rough physically, I made a lot of progress in healing the second week. I’m pretty functional at this point and think I’m going to be healed a lot quicker this time around compared to last. I enjoyed several days of my weight dropping two pounds per day, regardless of how many cookies I ate. That sadly ended and my weight started to go up. My stomach has largely returned to normal. There is just a small pouch left and the shadow of the linea negra. But my hips, thighs and rear end are huge and probably won’t go away until I make a concerted effort and/or stop breastfeeding.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Life with newborn, week two
Some days are really hard, as was the one where she ate pretty much constantly from 8 p.m. to 3 a.m., then I had insomnia and ended up with about an hour of sleep. Others are seemingly great, such as the night she slept from 9 p.m. to 6 a.m., with only brief wakings for a few feedings.
I don’t consider myself an attachment parent, but right now, she feels permanently attached to me. Most times I like this. She is like a little doll and it’s marvelous to recognize that this tiny bundle is going to grow up to become a woman – my daughter. But at times it’s trying, especially to constantly function with only one hand and to have only five minutes at a time to take care of myself. She is so easy-tempered, but does insist on being in someone’s arms at all times. I’m looking forward to being able to pass her off to someone else’s arms and enjoy an hour or two of unrestricted movement.
I’m feeling a bit better each day. Last time, it took a good three months to heal. I think it will be quicker this time.
My daily goals are to shower and to take a walk around the block. Harsh weather occasionally interferes with the walk and I find it hard when I’m unable to move out of the house for at least 20 minutes per day.
I’ve been spending a lot of time in our bedroom and I’m so appreciative of its spaciousness, the ample light and the warm tones of the honey wood floor and furniture. I love looking out at the cold snow and hearing the harsh wind blow, yet feeling safe and warm inside with my baby.
I still haven’t touched the remainder of my stats exam, and don’t know how I’m going to do that. But I’ve started perusing courses I could audit in the spring and feel like a kid in a candy store. I’ve identified 20 courses I’d be interested in taking, everything from neuroscience to natural disasters to Chinese religions to interpretations of modernist films. As an auditor, I wouldn’t have to do any assignments or take any exams. I could just sit and learn. I’m tempted by some work-related courses, but would like to use this time to just learn something for the fun of it.
I don’t consider myself an attachment parent, but right now, she feels permanently attached to me. Most times I like this. She is like a little doll and it’s marvelous to recognize that this tiny bundle is going to grow up to become a woman – my daughter. But at times it’s trying, especially to constantly function with only one hand and to have only five minutes at a time to take care of myself. She is so easy-tempered, but does insist on being in someone’s arms at all times. I’m looking forward to being able to pass her off to someone else’s arms and enjoy an hour or two of unrestricted movement.
I’m feeling a bit better each day. Last time, it took a good three months to heal. I think it will be quicker this time.
My daily goals are to shower and to take a walk around the block. Harsh weather occasionally interferes with the walk and I find it hard when I’m unable to move out of the house for at least 20 minutes per day.
I’ve been spending a lot of time in our bedroom and I’m so appreciative of its spaciousness, the ample light and the warm tones of the honey wood floor and furniture. I love looking out at the cold snow and hearing the harsh wind blow, yet feeling safe and warm inside with my baby.
I still haven’t touched the remainder of my stats exam, and don’t know how I’m going to do that. But I’ve started perusing courses I could audit in the spring and feel like a kid in a candy store. I’ve identified 20 courses I’d be interested in taking, everything from neuroscience to natural disasters to Chinese religions to interpretations of modernist films. As an auditor, I wouldn’t have to do any assignments or take any exams. I could just sit and learn. I’m tempted by some work-related courses, but would like to use this time to just learn something for the fun of it.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Second week
Baby is sleeping 5-7 hours straight at night at less than two weeks old. This stretch usually starts around 6-8 p.m., so I’ve been getting to bed early, and spending half of each day in bed. But as long as I do so, I’m getting a decent amount of sleep. Can this last? We’ve been incredibly lucky in getting a baby that is as easy, or perhaps even easier, than the super-chill River. I feel like I’ll jinx it as soon as I believe it.
I took my first excursion alone with Willow today. We went shopping at Target and the supermarket. Both the car and the shopping cart seemed soothing to her, I selected stores where I was likely to be able to find a place to sit down and nurse, and I nursed her at the end of the visit to each store. I was prepared for disaster, but it actually went OK. I don’t think I’m up to handling two while shopping yet, but I feel a little more freedom in realizing that as long as Willow is with me, and I’m able to nurse when she needs it, I have pretty free movement. It felt like a treat to be seated with her attached to my boob and seeing something different than my bedroom or living room.
We took our first excursion as a family to a holiday light show. It was an easy trip to make in that the lights could be viewed from the car. River enjoyed it and it was good for us to spend some time together. The next night we met some friends and their baby at a restaurant for dinner. We’re taking baby steps towards resuming a more normal life.
I am so very appreciative of the little things that people do to help out when a new baby arrives, whether it’s food, grocery shopping, a gift or flowers. When you spend much of the day alone with a baby attached to you, it’s nice to be reminded of your friends. I’ve found it hard to take people up on the offers to call them if I need anything. It feels too much like asking for a favor. But I have taken up those who call or write and insist that they want to bring something over or run an errand and it’s been a huge help. Lately I’ve been pretty good about bringing over some food or sending a gift to friends with a new arrival. I will try to continue that.
Breastfeeding continues to be painful, but I’m hopeful this won’t last for more than a few more days. Our two potential problems that could be causing the pain are thrush and/or a short frenulum. Willow and I will start diflucan together on Monday and on Tuesday, we are meeting with a pediatric ear, mouth and throat specialist about the possible short frenulum. Hopefully solving one or both of these issues will make things easier. And then I’ll appreciate the fact that breastfeeding is no longer painful. Since it wasn’t painful last time, I didn’t appreciate the relative ease.
I’m getting in a decent amount of movies, and a little bit of reading. But more intensive tasks, like finishing the exam I still have to complete, are more challenging. I might get between 15 minutes and an hour a day during which Willow is sleeping and I can recruit someone else to hold her while I work. Nevertheless, I appreciate these little chunks and know that each little bit of progress made adds up over time.
River’s adjustment continues to be difficult. It’s still a challenge to spend time with him, I’m sure he feels neglected, and his behavior reflects it. I’ve twice taken him on walks around the block with me. Even a mere 30 minutes together, just the two of us, was very rewarding. I need to be able to find more chunks of time that I can devote to him.
I took my first excursion alone with Willow today. We went shopping at Target and the supermarket. Both the car and the shopping cart seemed soothing to her, I selected stores where I was likely to be able to find a place to sit down and nurse, and I nursed her at the end of the visit to each store. I was prepared for disaster, but it actually went OK. I don’t think I’m up to handling two while shopping yet, but I feel a little more freedom in realizing that as long as Willow is with me, and I’m able to nurse when she needs it, I have pretty free movement. It felt like a treat to be seated with her attached to my boob and seeing something different than my bedroom or living room.
We took our first excursion as a family to a holiday light show. It was an easy trip to make in that the lights could be viewed from the car. River enjoyed it and it was good for us to spend some time together. The next night we met some friends and their baby at a restaurant for dinner. We’re taking baby steps towards resuming a more normal life.
I am so very appreciative of the little things that people do to help out when a new baby arrives, whether it’s food, grocery shopping, a gift or flowers. When you spend much of the day alone with a baby attached to you, it’s nice to be reminded of your friends. I’ve found it hard to take people up on the offers to call them if I need anything. It feels too much like asking for a favor. But I have taken up those who call or write and insist that they want to bring something over or run an errand and it’s been a huge help. Lately I’ve been pretty good about bringing over some food or sending a gift to friends with a new arrival. I will try to continue that.
Breastfeeding continues to be painful, but I’m hopeful this won’t last for more than a few more days. Our two potential problems that could be causing the pain are thrush and/or a short frenulum. Willow and I will start diflucan together on Monday and on Tuesday, we are meeting with a pediatric ear, mouth and throat specialist about the possible short frenulum. Hopefully solving one or both of these issues will make things easier. And then I’ll appreciate the fact that breastfeeding is no longer painful. Since it wasn’t painful last time, I didn’t appreciate the relative ease.
I’m getting in a decent amount of movies, and a little bit of reading. But more intensive tasks, like finishing the exam I still have to complete, are more challenging. I might get between 15 minutes and an hour a day during which Willow is sleeping and I can recruit someone else to hold her while I work. Nevertheless, I appreciate these little chunks and know that each little bit of progress made adds up over time.
River’s adjustment continues to be difficult. It’s still a challenge to spend time with him, I’m sure he feels neglected, and his behavior reflects it. I’ve twice taken him on walks around the block with me. Even a mere 30 minutes together, just the two of us, was very rewarding. I need to be able to find more chunks of time that I can devote to him.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
The calm after the storm
After a most miserable day yesterday, we had a spectacular night. Willow slept 7 hours straight – 7 hours!, from 6:15 to 1:15. In that time, I’d manufactured a good supply of milk, so the feedings at 1:15 and around 5 a.m. were fairly quick and both times she went back to sleep right after eating. She didn’t cry for a second the entire night.
So I spent about 14 hours in bed, got quite a bit of sleep, and right now, she is resting quietly in someone else’s arms, while I was able to take a half hour walk with River and now have a little time to myself. Whew!
So I spent about 14 hours in bed, got quite a bit of sleep, and right now, she is resting quietly in someone else’s arms, while I was able to take a half hour walk with River and now have a little time to myself. Whew!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
One of those 'holy crap' days
In the just over a week that I’ve been a parent of two, I’ve alternated between thinking this isn’t so bad, that babies aren’t as much work as I thought, and feeling strangely happy and motivated to spend the couple spare minutes I have in a day on household tasks.
The other days are like today, in which I think, holy shit, how do I manage this. Today was the first day I started to feel a bit bummed, as though this is overwhelming. Even looking at email stresses me out because I can’t imagine how I’ll find time to respond to all the messages I should answer.
First River gets sent home from preschool with pink eye, just as he has recovered from a fever. We go from him never being sick at all to suddenly going from one malady to another.
Then we go to the doctor, the whole family, and Willow’s poop explodes through her diaper for the first time, staining her sleepsack and her Bundle Me. I felt like I was a better mom this time around, as I actually brought a spare diaper and some wipes (I often didn’t with River). But as soon as I placed the spare diaper under her bum, she peed. I didn’t have another spare. Nor did I have an extra outfit. We had to go back outside with her dressed only in a t-shirt and plopped into the Bundle Me.
We’re still dealing with the thrush and now the doctor says I should look into having her frenulum cut, as it may be short and this could be causing some of the breastfeeding pain, and perhaps could be an issue with speech later. So I had to make an appointment with a pediatric throat specialist.
The best part of my day was getting the medicines at the pharmacy because I got to walk home, spending a good 20 minutes alone, outside, in the sunshine.
From that point on, Willow has been on my boob for a solid five hours. It’s already like a knife going through me when she attaches, especially on the left side. Even better when I get to spend five hours with her going from one side to the next and back again. We had a sitter around all afternoon, but I couldn’t give her to the sitter and take a break because every time I did, she’d start rooting again.
At the same time, River was freaking out about the drops I had to put in his eyes and nose, and begging for mom to read him a nap-time story, give him his medicine, pay him some darn attention. With the exception of a single storytime and a 30-minute walk in the snow yesterday, I have spent no time with him in the last week. It’s painful to him and to me and is just one more thing stressing me out.
I was getting exhausted and frustrated and felt glued to the chair. My back is killing me from constantly bending over to breastfeed. Finally, I figured out that she couldn’t possibly be eating for five hours straight and that she was using me as a pacifier. I pulled out the pacifier we got from the hospital and voila, she sucked calmly. Why didn’t I think of that earlier?
I’m crossing my fingers that since she spent the whole day awake and sucking, that will result in some good sleep for both of us tonight. I need it. I can’t fathom how I’m going to finish my exam, or do anything else of substance, at this rate.
This too shall pass, I remind myself, and she will only be my 7.5 pound baby doll now. I am trying to treasure it.
The other days are like today, in which I think, holy shit, how do I manage this. Today was the first day I started to feel a bit bummed, as though this is overwhelming. Even looking at email stresses me out because I can’t imagine how I’ll find time to respond to all the messages I should answer.
First River gets sent home from preschool with pink eye, just as he has recovered from a fever. We go from him never being sick at all to suddenly going from one malady to another.
Then we go to the doctor, the whole family, and Willow’s poop explodes through her diaper for the first time, staining her sleepsack and her Bundle Me. I felt like I was a better mom this time around, as I actually brought a spare diaper and some wipes (I often didn’t with River). But as soon as I placed the spare diaper under her bum, she peed. I didn’t have another spare. Nor did I have an extra outfit. We had to go back outside with her dressed only in a t-shirt and plopped into the Bundle Me.
We’re still dealing with the thrush and now the doctor says I should look into having her frenulum cut, as it may be short and this could be causing some of the breastfeeding pain, and perhaps could be an issue with speech later. So I had to make an appointment with a pediatric throat specialist.
The best part of my day was getting the medicines at the pharmacy because I got to walk home, spending a good 20 minutes alone, outside, in the sunshine.
From that point on, Willow has been on my boob for a solid five hours. It’s already like a knife going through me when she attaches, especially on the left side. Even better when I get to spend five hours with her going from one side to the next and back again. We had a sitter around all afternoon, but I couldn’t give her to the sitter and take a break because every time I did, she’d start rooting again.
At the same time, River was freaking out about the drops I had to put in his eyes and nose, and begging for mom to read him a nap-time story, give him his medicine, pay him some darn attention. With the exception of a single storytime and a 30-minute walk in the snow yesterday, I have spent no time with him in the last week. It’s painful to him and to me and is just one more thing stressing me out.
I was getting exhausted and frustrated and felt glued to the chair. My back is killing me from constantly bending over to breastfeed. Finally, I figured out that she couldn’t possibly be eating for five hours straight and that she was using me as a pacifier. I pulled out the pacifier we got from the hospital and voila, she sucked calmly. Why didn’t I think of that earlier?
I’m crossing my fingers that since she spent the whole day awake and sucking, that will result in some good sleep for both of us tonight. I need it. I can’t fathom how I’m going to finish my exam, or do anything else of substance, at this rate.
This too shall pass, I remind myself, and she will only be my 7.5 pound baby doll now. I am trying to treasure it.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
OK, it's getting hard now
Mom is dealing with:
-Lower parts that are still sore and swollen and results in her walking like an old lady
-Anti-fungal medications for thrush
-Breasts that are functioning, but sensitive due to overuse, milk flow and possible thrush
-An underarm abscess
-Lack of sleep
Then River wakes up with a 104 degree fever for the past two mornings – the first time he has ever been truly sick.
After virtually not seeing the pediatrician for about a year, we are probably their most frequent patients this week.
We are utilizing divide and conquer, with Mark taking charge of River and me in full charge of the baby. We were trying to keep the baby away from River, and now I have to keep her away from Mark as well.
It is horrible to watch River with this fever. I can’t imagine the effect of a one-week old getting it. So I spend most of my time in the bedroom, breastfeeding, drinking liquids, doing a little reading, sleeping when I can. It is so painful to hear my child sick for the first time and to not be there for him. Last night he screamed out “No more! No more!” as Mark and his mom applied cold cloths to him to reduce his fever. I cried at not being there to hold and to comfort him. Talk about abandonment. Not only is mom less available with the arrival of the new baby, but now she’s virtually disappeared, and just as he’s going through an experience where he really needs love and comfort.
The in-laws have been lifesavers and Mark’s mom was a soothing presence to him. They left this morning, so we are now on our own.
The good thing is that the baby is still easy. She doesn’t cry without cause. Silly as it sounds, I’m trying to acclimate her to sleep at night by using a tight swaddle only at night and letting her move freely the rest of the time. She slept from somewhere around 1 a.m. until I woke up from River’s screaming and woke her around 4:30. Then she slept again from 5:15 until after 8 a.m. I felt terrible going back to sleep while everyone else in the house was up helping River, but I knew I couldn’t go near him and figured I was of better use rested. Those two chunks of three-hours of sleep really made a difference. I’m crossing my fingers that she continues not having prolonged periods of wakefulness at night. It makes the whole newborn stage so much more manageable.
And I’m still enjoying watching her and being with her. Looking at the variety of facial expressions she can make can keep me occupied for hours. I marvel at the shape of her body and how she swims in her 0-9 month My First Christmas sleepsack. She has little smiles, which I know are probably just gas, but heartwarming nonetheless. And I feel like she is recognizing my touch and voice, which is comforting.
The one challenge is that, like River, Willow** wants to be in someone’s arms at all times. That makes it hard to leave both the kids with anyone. But I’m hoping when River gets better, I can leave Willow with someone and take River with me on my daily stroll around the block, getting in some one-on-one time with him.
**I wish I could share her name, because I really love it. But I change everyone's identity on my blog to protect their privacy. So I'll call her Willow here.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Newborn day 4
I’m feeling very lucky in many ways.
1. Having family here to support us has been so very helpful. They have been able to provide River with fun and individualized attention at a time at which he would otherwise likely feel ignored. They have also been helping with housework, errands, and food, which reduces the burden on me to be able to focus on the baby. The first time around, that seemed pretty overwhelming. Now that seems fairly manageable.
2. It’s early and perhaps things will change, but so far, the indications are that we have hit the jackpot and got a second easy baby. The pediatrician commented that she is very calm, she sleeps most of the time, and so far, has not cried more than about 10 minutes or so per 24 hours. I’m able to get through the whole night without her crying more than a few minutes, which means that everyone in the house except me is able to get a good night’s sleep.
3. I’m enjoying the newborn period even more this time around. Last time I was anxious for interaction. This time, I better recognize how fleeting these days are. I know it won’t be long that my daughter will be only seven pounds, that her fingers are such tiny, precious little strands, that I can watch the beautiful expressions that fleet across her face as she sleeps. I trace the perfect curl of her earlobe, stroke her soft cheeks and marvel at how her thin little legs and tiny organs are able to function. I hold her against my shoulder to burp her and touch my cheek to hers. I try to save the moment forever.
Though overall, things are going well, there are definitely challenges with number two.
These include:
1. My new relationship with River. I’m glad the grandparents are here to allow us a little space to figure this out. He now appears gigantic to me, his hands and feet as though already fully formed. He makes up songs about caca (poop) and uses nonsense language, which no longer impresses me so much. But he also knows facts about squid, hippopatomuses and tyrannosaurus rexes. Hearing him discuss these things with his grandparents makes me marvel that he also came out of me as a tiny babe, not so very long ago.
Unfortunately, our first substantial interaction upon my returning home was disciplinary. He took his grandfather’s newspaper apart and scattered it across the floor. I gave him a time-out and asked him to apologize to his grandfather. He wouldn’t, so he received three subsequent time outs. The most we’ve ever done before is two in a row. Four was miserable. Even more miserable when he peed his pants during one. When I asked him to apologize to his grandfather, he looked at me with such defiance and contempt. It reminded me of how I looked at my mother during our battles of my teenage years. It was also such a contrast with the look of complete understanding we shared until just a few days ago.
I think he was overtired, because the fourth timeout turned into a long nap, with none of the usual preambles. Grandma helped with the baby so that I could be the one to get River up from his nap, to read him a story, and to spend some positive quality time with him.
He realizes things are going to be different and I understand this is rough on him. I also know things are going to be different and I find it stressful. As much as I want to be there for him, to go out and do fun things with him, as long as the baby is attached to my breast, I am limited. I know this will get better with time, but I am glad I took him on so many excursions in the final weeks of the pregnancy. I wish we’d had another week or so of mom and River time.
2. Breastfeeding has been more challenging this time around. Last time the challenge was a long delay (about a week) in the milk coming in, but it wasn’t painful at any time. This time it’s been painful from the beginning. I spoke with several lactation consultants at the hospital, who said her latch is fine and that her suck is like a vacuum extractor. When I look in the mirror, I see holes in my nipples, where scabs have formed and then come off. For the first several days, it was so painful that I panted with pain, as though back in labor again, every time she latched on.
It’s getting a bit better now – perhaps my nipples are toughening up. And my milk came in last night, which reassures me that I won’t repeat the low supply issues. But her tongue is white and I have an underlying fear that she has thrush and will transfer it to me, repeating the miserable process of infection and reinfection I went through with River. I got some Nystatin, which was not effective last time, and am crossing my fingers I’m wrong about this. This time, I’ll be quicker to head to the powerful antibiotics.
3. I seem to have an extra supply of adrenaline this time, or perhaps it’s the gift of her not being alert, except while feeding, during the night. I don’t think I’m getting a whole lot of sleep, and I don’t find I can sleep during the day. There are times at night when I feel exhausted. Too exhausted to read certainly. But I’m so grateful that I’m not dealing with a screaming or wakeful baby that I tell myself it’s not so bad.
4. I came home from the hospital full of rules. It’s great they do education there, at the time when people need it. But I’m just too tired, or too lazy, to implement some of them. Wake the baby every 2 to 3 hours to feed. When it’s 4 a.m. and she’s already been sleeping three hours, no I’m not waking her. Sorry. I worry that will have an adverse effect on my supply, but I’m just not willing to give up the sleep to do it. Nor I am willing to record and/or track feedings and/or wet diapers. It’s a small step, but anything extra at this point is cut. For the past two nights, I’ve taken on all the feedings and allowed Mark to sleep through the night, but that also means I haven’t changed her diaper during the night. I feel negligent, but I’m tired and just can’t bring myself to remove her from her swaddle and wake her when she is quiet and restful. Nor do I really want to get out of bed. Luckily, both nights, she had only a bit of pee each morning. Once she’s getting more milk and has more bowel movements, I imagine I won’t be able to slack off so much there.
5. I’m in better shape physically than last time around. I avoided an episiotomy. But I do have a second degree tear and several smaller lacerations. It still hurts. I took my first walk outside today, around the block, and felt like an old lady, barely moving one foot in front of the other when I normally stride at a rapid pace. The continued pain below, plus the pain in the boobs makes me feel like I’m in pretty poor shape.
6. The weight is not disappearing as fast this time around. Last time I seem to recall dropping about 25 pounds right after the birth. This time I’m only about 10 pounds lighter than I was the day before she was born. That’s almost 30 pounds above my starting weight. Granted, from two hours post-birth on, I’ve been eating like a fiend. I’m trying not to worry about it too much, figuring I need nourishment for breastfeeding. I’ll try to focus on slowly reincorporating physical activity into my routine and perhaps replacing my current midnight snacks of Christmas cookies with some healthier options. But for now, I’m trying to focus on getting sleep, taking in adequate fluids and nutrition, and generally doing whatever makes me feel good to get through this physically and mentally rough period.
1. Having family here to support us has been so very helpful. They have been able to provide River with fun and individualized attention at a time at which he would otherwise likely feel ignored. They have also been helping with housework, errands, and food, which reduces the burden on me to be able to focus on the baby. The first time around, that seemed pretty overwhelming. Now that seems fairly manageable.
2. It’s early and perhaps things will change, but so far, the indications are that we have hit the jackpot and got a second easy baby. The pediatrician commented that she is very calm, she sleeps most of the time, and so far, has not cried more than about 10 minutes or so per 24 hours. I’m able to get through the whole night without her crying more than a few minutes, which means that everyone in the house except me is able to get a good night’s sleep.
3. I’m enjoying the newborn period even more this time around. Last time I was anxious for interaction. This time, I better recognize how fleeting these days are. I know it won’t be long that my daughter will be only seven pounds, that her fingers are such tiny, precious little strands, that I can watch the beautiful expressions that fleet across her face as she sleeps. I trace the perfect curl of her earlobe, stroke her soft cheeks and marvel at how her thin little legs and tiny organs are able to function. I hold her against my shoulder to burp her and touch my cheek to hers. I try to save the moment forever.
Though overall, things are going well, there are definitely challenges with number two.
These include:
1. My new relationship with River. I’m glad the grandparents are here to allow us a little space to figure this out. He now appears gigantic to me, his hands and feet as though already fully formed. He makes up songs about caca (poop) and uses nonsense language, which no longer impresses me so much. But he also knows facts about squid, hippopatomuses and tyrannosaurus rexes. Hearing him discuss these things with his grandparents makes me marvel that he also came out of me as a tiny babe, not so very long ago.
Unfortunately, our first substantial interaction upon my returning home was disciplinary. He took his grandfather’s newspaper apart and scattered it across the floor. I gave him a time-out and asked him to apologize to his grandfather. He wouldn’t, so he received three subsequent time outs. The most we’ve ever done before is two in a row. Four was miserable. Even more miserable when he peed his pants during one. When I asked him to apologize to his grandfather, he looked at me with such defiance and contempt. It reminded me of how I looked at my mother during our battles of my teenage years. It was also such a contrast with the look of complete understanding we shared until just a few days ago.
I think he was overtired, because the fourth timeout turned into a long nap, with none of the usual preambles. Grandma helped with the baby so that I could be the one to get River up from his nap, to read him a story, and to spend some positive quality time with him.
He realizes things are going to be different and I understand this is rough on him. I also know things are going to be different and I find it stressful. As much as I want to be there for him, to go out and do fun things with him, as long as the baby is attached to my breast, I am limited. I know this will get better with time, but I am glad I took him on so many excursions in the final weeks of the pregnancy. I wish we’d had another week or so of mom and River time.
2. Breastfeeding has been more challenging this time around. Last time the challenge was a long delay (about a week) in the milk coming in, but it wasn’t painful at any time. This time it’s been painful from the beginning. I spoke with several lactation consultants at the hospital, who said her latch is fine and that her suck is like a vacuum extractor. When I look in the mirror, I see holes in my nipples, where scabs have formed and then come off. For the first several days, it was so painful that I panted with pain, as though back in labor again, every time she latched on.
It’s getting a bit better now – perhaps my nipples are toughening up. And my milk came in last night, which reassures me that I won’t repeat the low supply issues. But her tongue is white and I have an underlying fear that she has thrush and will transfer it to me, repeating the miserable process of infection and reinfection I went through with River. I got some Nystatin, which was not effective last time, and am crossing my fingers I’m wrong about this. This time, I’ll be quicker to head to the powerful antibiotics.
3. I seem to have an extra supply of adrenaline this time, or perhaps it’s the gift of her not being alert, except while feeding, during the night. I don’t think I’m getting a whole lot of sleep, and I don’t find I can sleep during the day. There are times at night when I feel exhausted. Too exhausted to read certainly. But I’m so grateful that I’m not dealing with a screaming or wakeful baby that I tell myself it’s not so bad.
4. I came home from the hospital full of rules. It’s great they do education there, at the time when people need it. But I’m just too tired, or too lazy, to implement some of them. Wake the baby every 2 to 3 hours to feed. When it’s 4 a.m. and she’s already been sleeping three hours, no I’m not waking her. Sorry. I worry that will have an adverse effect on my supply, but I’m just not willing to give up the sleep to do it. Nor I am willing to record and/or track feedings and/or wet diapers. It’s a small step, but anything extra at this point is cut. For the past two nights, I’ve taken on all the feedings and allowed Mark to sleep through the night, but that also means I haven’t changed her diaper during the night. I feel negligent, but I’m tired and just can’t bring myself to remove her from her swaddle and wake her when she is quiet and restful. Nor do I really want to get out of bed. Luckily, both nights, she had only a bit of pee each morning. Once she’s getting more milk and has more bowel movements, I imagine I won’t be able to slack off so much there.
5. I’m in better shape physically than last time around. I avoided an episiotomy. But I do have a second degree tear and several smaller lacerations. It still hurts. I took my first walk outside today, around the block, and felt like an old lady, barely moving one foot in front of the other when I normally stride at a rapid pace. The continued pain below, plus the pain in the boobs makes me feel like I’m in pretty poor shape.
6. The weight is not disappearing as fast this time around. Last time I seem to recall dropping about 25 pounds right after the birth. This time I’m only about 10 pounds lighter than I was the day before she was born. That’s almost 30 pounds above my starting weight. Granted, from two hours post-birth on, I’ve been eating like a fiend. I’m trying not to worry about it too much, figuring I need nourishment for breastfeeding. I’ll try to focus on slowly reincorporating physical activity into my routine and perhaps replacing my current midnight snacks of Christmas cookies with some healthier options. But for now, I’m trying to focus on getting sleep, taking in adequate fluids and nutrition, and generally doing whatever makes me feel good to get through this physically and mentally rough period.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Day 2
We’re on day 2 and baby is still surprisingly easy. We had one little rough stretch, between 4 and 5 a.m., when she was hungry and crying, but refused to latch on. It’s the worst feeling in the world to not have milk for your hungry child and to be shoving your nipple in their mouth as they scream. I started to become a little worried that we were in for a rough ride since breastfeeding has been more painful this time around, especially when it stimulates painful uterine cramping. One of the nurses said it produces oxytocin, which is also released during labor, and can feel a lot like being in labor again. This is true, as when she suckles, I find myself panting in pain that radiates from the nipples down to the area she emerged from. But I try to reassure myself this is temporary.
I was able to sooth her to sleep on my chest, where she remained until Mark returned at 7:30. It’s been better since then. I took my first shower, put on something other than a hospital gown for the first time, and ventured out of my room to attend a baby bathing class two doors down. That woman had just pushed out a 9 pound, 6 ounce boy last night. Despite being her fourth child, she described the process of getting him out as “horrible,” so I felt rather lucky in comparison.
I’m going to be discharged today, but I’ve asked to stay until the latest I can – 10 p.m. I know some people can’t wait to get home. I like the quiet of the hospital, the lack of responsibilities, the help available when needed, the room service food. They hold several classes that seem useful. I didn’t feel strong enough to venture out yesterday, especially in the hospital gown that opens in the back to bare my butt, my diaper and my bulging ice pack. But today I’m capable of putting on shorts and a t-shirts and waddling around a bit.
River met his sibling last night and it wasn’t the beautiful introduction I envisioned. Unfortunately, the exciting arrival of his grandparents shortly before his nap meant he didn’t go to sleep and was tired and edgy. He presented his sister with a couple of small toys selected by dad, and seemed enthusiastic about that. And he was excited about the toy she brought for him. But he didn’t show much subsequent interest in the baby, nor did he show a lot of affection towards me. I attribute a lot of that to his lack of a nap, and I’m sure part of it may be stress and anxiety about the changes. Our pediatrician suggested we maintain his normal routine as much as possible and modify the baby’s schedule to fit his. I think that should be feasible.
I’m having a surprisingly difficult time sleeping. The 5 mg Ambien they gave me the first night did nothing. Last night they gave me something equal to double that. When I still wasn’t asleep after 40 minutes, I added another two Tylenol p.m.and that did the trick. Mark however is able to sleep at the drop of a hat. Despite getting a full eight hours last night, he can nap within five minutes. I’m a bit jealous. Luckily, I don’t feel too exhausted yet though, especially during the first half of the day.
I think I’m liking and appreciating the newborn phase more this time around. She’s small and delicate compared to River. It amazes me that her hand was about the same size as the round Oreo 100 calorie cookies I ate a few hours after delivering her – somewhere between the size of a quarter and a silver dollar. Her head is not much larger than my breast. When she’s feeding, I love to see the tiny, perfectly shaped ear, the scrunched eyes, and her full heart-shaped lips, pursed and working hard, instinctively knowing what they need to do to get sustenance.
No one can really figure out who she looks like. When she first came out, I thought she looked like River, but that’s not so much the case upon closer examination. Perhaps she’ll grow into looking like someone in the family. River resembles men on both sides of the family. Who he resembles more can depend on his age or the particular day. Or perhaps she’ll just be her own little unique person. Either way, I’m in love with her already.
I was able to sooth her to sleep on my chest, where she remained until Mark returned at 7:30. It’s been better since then. I took my first shower, put on something other than a hospital gown for the first time, and ventured out of my room to attend a baby bathing class two doors down. That woman had just pushed out a 9 pound, 6 ounce boy last night. Despite being her fourth child, she described the process of getting him out as “horrible,” so I felt rather lucky in comparison.
I’m going to be discharged today, but I’ve asked to stay until the latest I can – 10 p.m. I know some people can’t wait to get home. I like the quiet of the hospital, the lack of responsibilities, the help available when needed, the room service food. They hold several classes that seem useful. I didn’t feel strong enough to venture out yesterday, especially in the hospital gown that opens in the back to bare my butt, my diaper and my bulging ice pack. But today I’m capable of putting on shorts and a t-shirts and waddling around a bit.
River met his sibling last night and it wasn’t the beautiful introduction I envisioned. Unfortunately, the exciting arrival of his grandparents shortly before his nap meant he didn’t go to sleep and was tired and edgy. He presented his sister with a couple of small toys selected by dad, and seemed enthusiastic about that. And he was excited about the toy she brought for him. But he didn’t show much subsequent interest in the baby, nor did he show a lot of affection towards me. I attribute a lot of that to his lack of a nap, and I’m sure part of it may be stress and anxiety about the changes. Our pediatrician suggested we maintain his normal routine as much as possible and modify the baby’s schedule to fit his. I think that should be feasible.
I’m having a surprisingly difficult time sleeping. The 5 mg Ambien they gave me the first night did nothing. Last night they gave me something equal to double that. When I still wasn’t asleep after 40 minutes, I added another two Tylenol p.m.and that did the trick. Mark however is able to sleep at the drop of a hat. Despite getting a full eight hours last night, he can nap within five minutes. I’m a bit jealous. Luckily, I don’t feel too exhausted yet though, especially during the first half of the day.
I think I’m liking and appreciating the newborn phase more this time around. She’s small and delicate compared to River. It amazes me that her hand was about the same size as the round Oreo 100 calorie cookies I ate a few hours after delivering her – somewhere between the size of a quarter and a silver dollar. Her head is not much larger than my breast. When she’s feeding, I love to see the tiny, perfectly shaped ear, the scrunched eyes, and her full heart-shaped lips, pursed and working hard, instinctively knowing what they need to do to get sustenance.
No one can really figure out who she looks like. When she first came out, I thought she looked like River, but that’s not so much the case upon closer examination. Perhaps she’ll grow into looking like someone in the family. River resembles men on both sides of the family. Who he resembles more can depend on his age or the particular day. Or perhaps she’ll just be her own little unique person. Either way, I’m in love with her already.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Day one
It’s surprisingly easy so far. This baby seems content in the hospital bassinet and will stay there for hours, sleeping or resting. She may not be feeding quite enough, due to all that sleeping, but when she does feed, she seems to have plenty of suction power.
I got out of labor with one second degree tear and some minor lacerations. It’s still painful to move around, but as long as I’m in bed, I feel fine except for a slight headache and fatigue. Despite a sleeping pill, I didn’t get much sleep last night, partially due to racing thoughts, partially the annoying sound of the IV, and partially the frequent disruptions.
Overall though, I’m in much, much better shape than last time around. I’m not puffy, I’m in good spirits, I came in a good ten pounds lighter than when I delivered last, I avoided an episiotomy, it was shorter, it didn’t hurt as much, I had 11 ounces less baby to push out and the doctor seemed truly committed to doing what he could to minimize pain. I am grateful for all the above. Also, we had kind friends who came over and spent the night with River and Mark’s parents will be there soon. Mark has now gone back to greet them and to help River choose flowers and a gift for his new sister. This evening I’ll have the pleasure of seeing my two children meet for the very first time.
I called her an it the whole time she was inside me, but as soon as she emerged she became my daughter. Mark, on the other hand, keeps accidentally calling her a he. I am very grateful for her and feel very lucky. I never finished my statistics exam (I have the last few questions to look forward to in the coming days or weeks) and I never got around to my nesting projects. She came on a weekend, which is not ideal in terms of getting the best hospital care. But she came on the day the doctor I trusted most was on call, she gave me some helpful warning signs of her arrival, allowing me to get things in order, she probably saved me some pain by coming out before surpassing 8 or more pounds and so far, she’s easy enough to care for. I don’t recall making much use of reading material and Facebook last time I was in the hospital. This time I feel like I have hours of precious quiet time to myself. We are blessed with a wonderful holiday gift.
I got out of labor with one second degree tear and some minor lacerations. It’s still painful to move around, but as long as I’m in bed, I feel fine except for a slight headache and fatigue. Despite a sleeping pill, I didn’t get much sleep last night, partially due to racing thoughts, partially the annoying sound of the IV, and partially the frequent disruptions.
Overall though, I’m in much, much better shape than last time around. I’m not puffy, I’m in good spirits, I came in a good ten pounds lighter than when I delivered last, I avoided an episiotomy, it was shorter, it didn’t hurt as much, I had 11 ounces less baby to push out and the doctor seemed truly committed to doing what he could to minimize pain. I am grateful for all the above. Also, we had kind friends who came over and spent the night with River and Mark’s parents will be there soon. Mark has now gone back to greet them and to help River choose flowers and a gift for his new sister. This evening I’ll have the pleasure of seeing my two children meet for the very first time.
I called her an it the whole time she was inside me, but as soon as she emerged she became my daughter. Mark, on the other hand, keeps accidentally calling her a he. I am very grateful for her and feel very lucky. I never finished my statistics exam (I have the last few questions to look forward to in the coming days or weeks) and I never got around to my nesting projects. She came on a weekend, which is not ideal in terms of getting the best hospital care. But she came on the day the doctor I trusted most was on call, she gave me some helpful warning signs of her arrival, allowing me to get things in order, she probably saved me some pain by coming out before surpassing 8 or more pounds and so far, she’s easy enough to care for. I don’t recall making much use of reading material and Facebook last time I was in the hospital. This time I feel like I have hours of precious quiet time to myself. We are blessed with a wonderful holiday gift.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)