Day 32

Today is day 32 of my cycle, Since my last cycle, my first off of birth control, was 32 days, I thought this might be the day I’d have some answers. Truthfully, I expected to see my period today, and I still might. But usually, there is a drop in temperature on the day my period comes. Instead of a drop, it was 98.4 this morning, the highest by .2 it’s been all cycle. Two days ago it dipped to 97.8, making me think my period was coming. But since then, it has shot up .6.

It’s common to have a dip before ovulation. Perhaps it’s the same before implantation. A spike at the time of implantation is definitely a strong sign.

As for symptoms, the only thing that remains constant is burping. I tell myself it’s not happening, and then I get these light burps, which are very out of the ordinary for me.

At the same time though, I’m not feeling well – runny nose, itchy throat, frequent sneezing, light cough. Perhaps allergies, perhaps a cold, but I imagine either could cause a temperature spike. I took an Allegra because it’s reached the point of miserable. If I am in fact pregnant, it will be one more toxin this poor embryo has been exposed to. If not, I guess it would be good to know so that I can take my medicine, eat sushi and lick the cake batter bowl without guilt. We’ll see what happens. I’ll probably wait another 4-8 days before breaking out a pregnancy test.

Wager is off

As of yesterday, I’d say my wager is off. The cramping and painful feeling is probably nothing more than menstrual cramps. My temperature isn’t shooting up as it should and the heightened sense of smell doesn’t seem to have stuck around. So I tell myself that’s it, it’s not happening this month, I’ll have to wait until next month.

I’m tempted to use a pregnancy test to get a definite answer. But the environmentalist part of me says no, I’m not going to put a plastic thing in the landfill when I can get an answer without a tool in a matter of days. Those are for confirming a yes, not confirming a no.

Then, as soon as I tell myself it’s not happening, I’ll have a few light burps, making me think – well, maybe.

Assuming it’s not happening, it makes me wonder – was it all in my head, or was there a fertilized egg that implanted, but couldn’t thrive? I remember learning in a course on reproductive technology that something like 30% of fertilized eggs don’t end up attaching and are discarded with the menstrual flow. So was there a beginning to a child? I guess there are some things I can never know.