Wager is off

As of yesterday, I’d say my wager is off. The cramping and painful feeling is probably nothing more than menstrual cramps. My temperature isn’t shooting up as it should and the heightened sense of smell doesn’t seem to have stuck around. So I tell myself that’s it, it’s not happening this month, I’ll have to wait until next month.

I’m tempted to use a pregnancy test to get a definite answer. But the environmentalist part of me says no, I’m not going to put a plastic thing in the landfill when I can get an answer without a tool in a matter of days. Those are for confirming a yes, not confirming a no.

Then, as soon as I tell myself it’s not happening, I’ll have a few light burps, making me think – well, maybe.

Assuming it’s not happening, it makes me wonder – was it all in my head, or was there a fertilized egg that implanted, but couldn’t thrive? I remember learning in a course on reproductive technology that something like 30% of fertilized eggs don’t end up attaching and are discarded with the menstrual flow. So was there a beginning to a child? I guess there are some things I can never know.