Results

Positive

I took the test this morning and it’s positive. So now I can really acclimate myself to the idea of being pregnant. I haven’t told anyone yet and I suppose Mark should be first. Two women announced pregnancies on a parenting group I belong to (both due about a month before me) and I was tempted to chime in. But I held back.

The announcements came in the form of asking for advice about morning sickness. While I generally feel like crap, I think it’s more allergies and a possible cold than morning sickness. My appetite is fine and I’m not turned off by any foods.

I went back and looked at the records from my first pregnancy. At this stage last time, I’d been experiencing morning sickness for several days. Part of me says yay! Is it possible could be saved that misery this time around? It would certainly make keeping my job easier if I didn’t have that to deal with and to attempt to hide.

But another (masochistic) part of me mourns not having it. It helped keep my weight down. I already weigh a bit more than I’d like. Seeing what I gained last time around in the third trimester, I really need to avoid weight gain in the first trimester.

For now, I’ll remain grateful that I can function and will try to step up the exercise.

Due date?

I just looked at an online due date calendar and according to the date of my last menstrual period, my due date would be December 28. It says a pregnancy test could have picked up a pregnancy four days ago, that the first heartbeat would be on May 5th (yikes!). I think the dates would be 2-4 days later for me, given my longer cycles. So that would mean a due date in the Christmas to New Year’s region. Perhaps an incentive to induce for a last minute tax credit. I don’t know why I don’t take a pregnancy test, since I think I’d probably get an answer now. I prefer to wait until my temperature has been high for 18 days. Which is only two days from now. Then I can feel pretty confident about what the result will be.

I went to a baby shower today – a really fancy affair, where a three course meal was served at a restaurant and the mom-to-be got enough clothes so the baby will have a different outfit per day for the first several months. And enough books to fill a bookshelf. If anything, I was envious of the book selection. I think the baby is lucky to have that much imagination and fantasy so early in life I’m still waiting eagerly for the box of 140 books in Spanish I recently purchased on ebay. I think it will be about as exciting to me to fill River’s shelves as it will be for him.

I’m very happy for my friend, who is expecting her first. Though she is a slender person, she is very large at 35 weeks, bigger than I think I ever was in my pregnancy, even with my extra 65 pounds. It doesn’t look comfortable at all and I pity her having to move around that way for another five weeks. Yet I now have a better understanding of what the end result is, which makes it more worth it. If I am pregnant, I will convince Mark to replace our ten-year-old mattress with a good one. I’ve learned that third trimester pregnant women need all the help getting quality sleep they can get.

Day 32

Today is day 32 of my cycle, Since my last cycle, my first off of birth control, was 32 days, I thought this might be the day I’d have some answers. Truthfully, I expected to see my period today, and I still might. But usually, there is a drop in temperature on the day my period comes. Instead of a drop, it was 98.4 this morning, the highest by .2 it’s been all cycle. Two days ago it dipped to 97.8, making me think my period was coming. But since then, it has shot up .6.

It’s common to have a dip before ovulation. Perhaps it’s the same before implantation. A spike at the time of implantation is definitely a strong sign.

As for symptoms, the only thing that remains constant is burping. I tell myself it’s not happening, and then I get these light burps, which are very out of the ordinary for me.

At the same time though, I’m not feeling well – runny nose, itchy throat, frequent sneezing, light cough. Perhaps allergies, perhaps a cold, but I imagine either could cause a temperature spike. I took an Allegra because it’s reached the point of miserable. If I am in fact pregnant, it will be one more toxin this poor embryo has been exposed to. If not, I guess it would be good to know so that I can take my medicine, eat sushi and lick the cake batter bowl without guilt. We’ll see what happens. I’ll probably wait another 4-8 days before breaking out a pregnancy test.

Wager is off

As of yesterday, I’d say my wager is off. The cramping and painful feeling is probably nothing more than menstrual cramps. My temperature isn’t shooting up as it should and the heightened sense of smell doesn’t seem to have stuck around. So I tell myself that’s it, it’s not happening this month, I’ll have to wait until next month.

I’m tempted to use a pregnancy test to get a definite answer. But the environmentalist part of me says no, I’m not going to put a plastic thing in the landfill when I can get an answer without a tool in a matter of days. Those are for confirming a yes, not confirming a no.

Then, as soon as I tell myself it’s not happening, I’ll have a few light burps, making me think – well, maybe.

Assuming it’s not happening, it makes me wonder – was it all in my head, or was there a fertilized egg that implanted, but couldn’t thrive? I remember learning in a course on reproductive technology that something like 30% of fertilized eggs don’t end up attaching and are discarded with the menstrual flow. So was there a beginning to a child? I guess there are some things I can never know.