Due date?

I just looked at an online due date calendar and according to the date of my last menstrual period, my due date would be December 28. It says a pregnancy test could have picked up a pregnancy four days ago, that the first heartbeat would be on May 5th (yikes!). I think the dates would be 2-4 days later for me, given my longer cycles. So that would mean a due date in the Christmas to New Year’s region. Perhaps an incentive to induce for a last minute tax credit. I don’t know why I don’t take a pregnancy test, since I think I’d probably get an answer now. I prefer to wait until my temperature has been high for 18 days. Which is only two days from now. Then I can feel pretty confident about what the result will be.

I went to a baby shower today – a really fancy affair, where a three course meal was served at a restaurant and the mom-to-be got enough clothes so the baby will have a different outfit per day for the first several months. And enough books to fill a bookshelf. If anything, I was envious of the book selection. I think the baby is lucky to have that much imagination and fantasy so early in life I’m still waiting eagerly for the box of 140 books in Spanish I recently purchased on ebay. I think it will be about as exciting to me to fill River’s shelves as it will be for him.

I’m very happy for my friend, who is expecting her first. Though she is a slender person, she is very large at 35 weeks, bigger than I think I ever was in my pregnancy, even with my extra 65 pounds. It doesn’t look comfortable at all and I pity her having to move around that way for another five weeks. Yet I now have a better understanding of what the end result is, which makes it more worth it. If I am pregnant, I will convince Mark to replace our ten-year-old mattress with a good one. I’ve learned that third trimester pregnant women need all the help getting quality sleep they can get.

Day 32

Today is day 32 of my cycle, Since my last cycle, my first off of birth control, was 32 days, I thought this might be the day I’d have some answers. Truthfully, I expected to see my period today, and I still might. But usually, there is a drop in temperature on the day my period comes. Instead of a drop, it was 98.4 this morning, the highest by .2 it’s been all cycle. Two days ago it dipped to 97.8, making me think my period was coming. But since then, it has shot up .6.

It’s common to have a dip before ovulation. Perhaps it’s the same before implantation. A spike at the time of implantation is definitely a strong sign.

As for symptoms, the only thing that remains constant is burping. I tell myself it’s not happening, and then I get these light burps, which are very out of the ordinary for me.

At the same time though, I’m not feeling well – runny nose, itchy throat, frequent sneezing, light cough. Perhaps allergies, perhaps a cold, but I imagine either could cause a temperature spike. I took an Allegra because it’s reached the point of miserable. If I am in fact pregnant, it will be one more toxin this poor embryo has been exposed to. If not, I guess it would be good to know so that I can take my medicine, eat sushi and lick the cake batter bowl without guilt. We’ll see what happens. I’ll probably wait another 4-8 days before breaking out a pregnancy test.

Early signs

Though it’s only day 26, there are some preliminary positive signs on my chart that indicate perhaps I could be pregnant. My temperature moved up another notch today. It’s not as large of a jump as happened upon implantation last time. But it’s within the 7-10 day after ovulation timeframe.

I could probably take a pregnancy test and perhaps receive confirmation. But I’d rather figure it out myself. I do like asserting the nominal control I have over the knowledge of my body and it makes me feel good to be able to figure out what is happening with no intervention beyond taking my morning temperature.

If it moves up any more, or stays at this higher level until day 32 (the length of my last cycle) that will appear positive. If it remains there to day 40 or so, I’ll be convinced. Last time the symptoms begin precisely on the day of implantation and within a few days of that, the nausea set in for the long haul. Right now I can’t say I feel any symptoms, other than a slight headache, and being a bit tired. But there are plenty of other potential causes for that – including allergies, work stress and a busy weekend.

I find myself happy with the positive indications. Definitely not excited about the process of pregnancy. Definitely bummed about what my poor stomach would have to endure. Not at all looking forward to not being able to sleep on my side. But glad to have something moving forward in my life.

Maybe

So, according to my chart, I have ovulated, there was some activity in the period shortly before ovulation, and now I’ve got a week or so to see whether or not there is a spike in temperature that indicates implantation. I picked up a few pregnancy tests from a neighbor via Freecycle, but they are more for Mark’s confirmation than mine. If I see that spike, to me, it’s confirmation of pregnancy. As long as the temperature remains at an elevated level, I know the pregnancy is continuing. If a second pregnancy would be anything like the first, the symptoms came in strong right after implantation, which only confirmed what I learned from my temperature. I’m not one of those people who could be pregnant for a long time and not know it.

This is a weird period of time in which perhaps there is a fertilized egg floating through my body. Perhaps it will settle in and become the start of a person who will impact my life from this point forward. Perhaps it won’t implant and will come out with the menstrual flow, without my ever knowing of its existence. Perhaps there is no fertilized egg at all.

My feelings about it change on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. A week or so ago I think I wished for it not to happen. I didn’t want to be medicated at the time of conception. I wanted to make more of an effort for a girl (if it happens this month, the odds of a boy are fairly good). Then I realized that I would accept it if it happens. And I thought that if this is in our near future, perhaps it’s better to get it over with and not play the waiting game. And my baby is truly a big boy now. He looks at me with the eyes of a real, independent person. I think he’s gotten to the point where he could benefit from a sibling, and I’ve gotten to the point where I could take on a baby again.

Planning

I’m starting to mentally wrap my mind around the idea of a second. I’m not really ready yet. I still don’t want to go through a pregnancy or a childbirth. I still weigh more than I’d like to before getting pregnant. My work situation is not perfect. But I also know that waiting a lot longer doesn’t make a lot of sense either. So I’m starting to get prepared.

I’m off the birth control and back to charting my cycles. I’m through one month and back to a sense of how things are working. I’m picking up a couple of free pregnancy tests from a freecycle neighbor this evening, just to have on hand. I’m setting up doctor’s appointments to for general health checks. I’m planning trips and vacations this year with the expectation that travel next year will be much more difficult with a baby in tow. And I came SO close to buying a Big Bro shirt that was on clearance at Gymboree. We haven’t even made an attempt yet and I’m already on the verge of buying clothing that makes an announcement. That, to me, is what says I am about as ready as I’m going to be.