Freaked out by birth control

Much as my womb is not screaming out for another, it’s getting closer to that time to think about number two. Now, when I look at someone’s sleeping newborn baby, I may think, “That’s sweet.” Or “That might be nice.” I suppose that’s progress. Though show me a picture of a screaming infant in the middle of the night, or one breastfeeding for four hours straight and I’ll probably have entirely different thoughts.

My current supply of birth control (NuvaRing) runs out at the end of February. So I was wondering whether or not to order another three-month supply. I wouldn’t want to start trying any earlier than May, but it might not be a bad idea to get my hormones back to normal, to get a sense of my cycles again, etc.

So last night I start googling some things about birth control. And I start to wonder why anyone uses it (of course, rationally, I know why and I’m glad it’s available). Is my less than raging sex drive a result of the Nuvaring? I wondered. Could that be the cause of the higher than usual anxiety levels I’ve been feeling lately? Does my birth control have anything to do with the fact that I walked over five miles yesterday and gained weight? Am I going to face a huge weight gain after going off of it, like some people posted about on the internet? Are my chances of cancer, blood clot, heart problems significantly higher? What happened to the wife of the man who is suing Nuvaring’s maker for her death? Holy crap.

So now I’m back to my usual discomfort with chemicals in my body that aren’t entirely needed. We managed to avoid pregnancy for a good 15 months or so after River’s birth (OK, I was only ovulating for 4 of these, but still). If I go back to my anal-retentive cycle tracking (which I probably will since we’d like to increase the odds of a girl), we should be able to play it fairly safe. That is, as long as I don’t have a bunch of international flights to throw my cycle to the winds.

I still don’t know exactly when I’d like number two, but am thinking the first half of 2011. I still don’t have Mark’s 100% approval. I’m still not progressed far beyond the rational planning stage. I don’t have the immediate longing and desire I did for the first. Nevertheless, it might be time to start getting ready. The things I read, plus the cost savings of not having to pay for birth control lead me to think I’ll skip this reorder.