Back to school

These are the notes my husband scrawled as he tried to help me understand the one page handout our professor passed out on why the mean minimizes the sum of squared deviations.

The numbers and symbols have a way of simultaneously freaking me out (and making me want to tune out) and making me feel strangely accomplished and fulfilled when I understand what they mean. By the end, I think I did understand the handout and I may even have identified a mistake on the professor’s part (or perhaps I’m still not understanding).

I’m taking an undergraduate statistics course. It’s a little below what I could handle, since I took both stats and econometrics in grad school. But it was what was available right now and will hopefully serve the purpose of just getting me reacclimated to this subject and to its practical use. It also has a very quantitatively able professor and a bunch of students who recently graduated high school with 5s on their statistics AP tests and brains 15 years less aged than mine. So I think there will be plenty of challenge.

I have to admit that I enjoy being back in the classroom. I’ve already accepted that I’m a lifelong student. I think back on what I wish I could do over. I really wish I’d paid attention to calculus in high school and in college. The fact that I didn’t is hard to make up for and has been following me around for years. Now, I sit in the third row, arrive on time, do all the reading, make every effort to not miss lectures (unfortunately, I have to miss some for work), and take the time to make sure I understand a handout full of numbers and symbols.

The professor says he’s an ubernerd. He definitely outdoes me, as I know he can whip around pages of odd symbols and he does it with aplomb and glee. But I’m feeling like a pretty good nerd.

Worldmomma is going to Africa

I found out just a few days ago that I will likely be going soon (as in two weeks from now) to Africa for work. It’s a two-country trip. One country is kind of freaking me out. In my research, the words horrible, prostitutes, corruption, shakedowns, credit card fraud and cockroaches keep coming up. The other is a country I’ve wanted to go to for some time. I hope I may be able to take a couple of days vacation while there to see some sights.

I’m really excited to be going. I’ve been craving an international trip for a while and I was starting to despair as our budget doesn’t really allow such trips these days. Thinking back on the time since River was born, I’ve been overseas four times (to Mexico, Panama/Costa Rica, Russia and Iceland). That’s an average of once every six months, which is know is more than the average mom of a two year old. But I think I have a higher than average need for adventure and I’m very internationally oriented. Also, in the past ten years, I’ve been overseas on average much more than once every six months.

So the craving for the different culture, scenery and lifestyle set in a while ago and I can’t wait. Most of all, I’m looking forward to the sounds and the smells. I love the smell of any new place, but particularly the smell of Africa. And I love the combination of sounds, which comes across to me as exotic, but is the sum of the life and activity that reverberates in that place.

Of course, it won’t be easy to be away from River for two plus weeks. Mark is being incredibly supportive. He’s practically pushing me out the door and telling me to go for as long as I need. I think he recognizes how important it is to my wellbeing.

I hope we can use skype this time and that the ability to see each other live will help bridge the distance. I know I’ll appreciate the evenings in a comfortable hotel bed alone. I know I’ll appreciate being able to listen to people as they tell me about the place they live, and not being interrupted by having to chase after a toddler. But I also know that I’ll miss him deeply. I’ll long for his voice, his hugs and his bright, loving eyes. I also fear something happening to me and leaving him in the world without his biggest fan.

Tonight, when I got home from work, I ran upstairs to change, planning to take River with me to the gym. He loves going there, but at the moment, he wasn’t thinking about the giant drawer of cars in the gym childcare room. He wanted to show me two of his little cars. When I ran upstairs instead of taking the time to look, he stood at the base of the stairs and started to cry.

I felt bad and came back down. I wasn’t giving him the attention he deserved. Mark tried to get his attention, but he pushed him away. He was only interested in showing mom.

“He loves you too much,” Mark said. I know that and I’m so very grateful.

Overloaded

This was my schedule today, a Sunday:

7:30 – get up, make breakfast for self and River, finishing packing the stuff we need for our first excursion
9 a.m. – leave for gym. Exercise. Shower with River. Get us both ready and dressed for party. Drive right to party.
11 a.m. – birthday party. Eat, play, talk.
1:30 p.m. – drop River off at home. Change clothes. Put finishing touches on carrot salad.
2:30 p.m. – arrive at baby shower ½ hour late. Eat, play, talk.
4:45 p.m. – pick up books on hold at library, get home, pick up Mark, River and another batch of carrot salad. Drive right to next engagement.
5:30 p.m. – playdate with River's friend and dinner with his parents. Eat, play, talk.
7:30 p.m. – Get home, put River on potty, read him stories, put him to bed.
8 p.m. – really sit down for the first time all day.

It’s not usual, yet, to have a birthday party, a baby shower and a playdate/dinner all on the same day. And only someone as prone to overscheduling as me would throw a trip to the gym into the mix (though I’m glad I did, given how much I ate at each event). I had a fun day with lots of great people. But all through it, I was thinking to myself that this is too much. I don’t have a moment to rest, much less to attack the list of tasks I had for the weekend. Yesterday was filled with chores and work, today was filled with social engagements. There was really no down time during the weekend, and now the workweek has begun again.

This is partly a consequence of working. The only time I have to meet up with people is on the weekends. So that small period of space becomes jam packed. It’s also a consequence of my lifelong tendency to avoid a single clique. I choose friends from many different social groups, which means I end up with a lot of different appointments to see these people, since they don’t all socialize together.

River doesn’t have a single extracurricular activity or standing appointment and I’m already feeling overloaded. What is it going to be like when he joins a team or wants to consistently pursue an interest? I’ve been letting my spiritual time go, since there is usually a social obligation on Sunday mornings. The lack of that peaceful time of reflection is starting to get to me. I’ve been making working out a priority this week, but I still find meeting my exercise goals a challenge. I’ve been meaning to get River back into swim classes, but other events keep popping up on Saturday mornings.

Anyone else been there/done that? Any tips for how to avoid the path of overscheduledness before it’s really even begun? Any tips for how to prioritize social events when I want to say yes to them all?

Freaked out by birth control

Much as my womb is not screaming out for another, it’s getting closer to that time to think about number two. Now, when I look at someone’s sleeping newborn baby, I may think, “That’s sweet.” Or “That might be nice.” I suppose that’s progress. Though show me a picture of a screaming infant in the middle of the night, or one breastfeeding for four hours straight and I’ll probably have entirely different thoughts.

My current supply of birth control (NuvaRing) runs out at the end of February. So I was wondering whether or not to order another three-month supply. I wouldn’t want to start trying any earlier than May, but it might not be a bad idea to get my hormones back to normal, to get a sense of my cycles again, etc.

So last night I start googling some things about birth control. And I start to wonder why anyone uses it (of course, rationally, I know why and I’m glad it’s available). Is my less than raging sex drive a result of the Nuvaring? I wondered. Could that be the cause of the higher than usual anxiety levels I’ve been feeling lately? Does my birth control have anything to do with the fact that I walked over five miles yesterday and gained weight? Am I going to face a huge weight gain after going off of it, like some people posted about on the internet? Are my chances of cancer, blood clot, heart problems significantly higher? What happened to the wife of the man who is suing Nuvaring’s maker for her death? Holy crap.

So now I’m back to my usual discomfort with chemicals in my body that aren’t entirely needed. We managed to avoid pregnancy for a good 15 months or so after River’s birth (OK, I was only ovulating for 4 of these, but still). If I go back to my anal-retentive cycle tracking (which I probably will since we’d like to increase the odds of a girl), we should be able to play it fairly safe. That is, as long as I don’t have a bunch of international flights to throw my cycle to the winds.

I still don’t know exactly when I’d like number two, but am thinking the first half of 2011. I still don’t have Mark’s 100% approval. I’m still not progressed far beyond the rational planning stage. I don’t have the immediate longing and desire I did for the first. Nevertheless, it might be time to start getting ready. The things I read, plus the cost savings of not having to pay for birth control lead me to think I’ll skip this reorder.

Leap of faith

We are one week and two days into no daytime diapers. So far, we’ve had just a few half-accidents at home. I call it a half-accident if he starts to go, realizes it, and announces it in time to finish in the potty. And we’ve had one accident in public. But that was when we kept him out past his bedtime. He was so tired while kneeling on the floor that his head fell back against the sofa and his eyes were closed. I think he may have fallen asleep. When I put him on the potty shortly afterwards, I saw his pants were wet. Since we accept that he doesn’t have any control when he’s asleep, I’m not sure whether to count this one as a true accident or not. There have been no pooping accidents during waking hours, though that hasn’t been an issue for a long time.

I admit there have been times during the week when I’ve been really tempted to put on a diaper, a plastic cover, something. First, it was visits to the library that freaked me out. The carpeted floor there doesn’t help and I was sure an accident would bring on lots of disapproving looks. But we’ve made it to the library several times, no problem. Then I worried about taking him to participate in research studies. Again, peeing in front of the researcher wouldn’t make a good impression. But we did that twice and no problem. Finally, I was tempted when I took him to the gym. I used to be able to leave him in the gym for up to two hours. Sometimes I’d even run out and go grocery shopping. But with the risk of an accident, I knew I’d need to stay close by. In fact, I’d probably need to pop in after the first hour and see if he needs to go. The gym childcare, which used to cost a few dollars, is now free. I value being able to leave him there and I didn’t want to upset the caregivers with an accident. But again, I took a deep breath, decided to trust him, and let him go. Again, no problem. I’ve worried about accidents in the carseat, but it hasn’t happened.

I’m learning that the hardest part of potty training is probably more of an issue for the parent than for the child. River does his business. He has an occasional accident here and there. But overall, he’s doing just fine. But it’s us, as parents and caregivers, who fear the accidents, who fear the public embarrassment, who fear the censure.

I admit, I’ve been less than enthused about the prospect of a potty training toddler (other than my own) spending a lot of time in my house. I really don’t want another kid’s urine on our newly finished hardwood floors. At the same time, if a parent provides enough opportunities to go and is ready for an emergency (a quick towel on hand will clean up even shiny hardwood floors) the chances of an accident may not be all that high.

At the times I’ve been tempted, I’ve thought of perhaps putting on a diaper only for a few hours, during this potentially inconvenient or embarrassing time. Then I thought about the message that would send. That diapers are OK sometimes when it’s not convenient to use the bathroom. That I can’t trust him to get through an hour or a few hours on his own. And I decided it’s not worth it. I’d rather take the risk. I’d rather he have an accident or two, if necessary, so that he understands what happens.

It’s really a leap of faith for parents to put away the diapers and say – no more, I trust you, little toddler, to listen to your own body. I wonder if perhaps he would have been ready earlier. If I took too long to take the leap. The signal I was waiting for was some advance notice of having to go. We got that just a month or two before we got rid of the diapers, so I don’t think we waited a very long time after he might have been ready. But I am surprised at how much of the process has to do with me, Mark and other caregivers letting go and having faith.

My little patriot

One of the down sides of using hand-me-downs, especially as a child ages, is that your child can be presenting an image that is very different from the one you would have chosen if you had picked out the clothes yourself.

Never has this been so apparent to me as now, when River regularly wears a black leather snap down jacket with a huge American flag and the word AMERICA in red capital letters emblazoned across the back. When we pair this with a purple Minnesota Vikings hat, he really looks like he could be walking down the dusty, snowy streets in the rural heartland.

This was a freecycle find. And I’m not complaining. It has saved us from having to purchase an expensive winter coat this season. When they are only going to be good for one season, the cost seems even more exorbitant. Nonetheless, I’m plagued by a reaction that ranges from laughter to strange amusement to embarrassment to a struggle for acceptance as I watch him toddle down the street in his uber-patriotic garb.

I’m still not willing to buy a coat. Winter won’t be here all that much longer and we’ve inherited some nice lighter weight jackets. But next week is the bag sale at the designer kiddie consignment store. If one is willing to stand in line before the store opens and survive a veritable mob of bargain shoppers, you can take home a whole bag of designer clothing for $10.

The setup doesn’t allow much time for careful selection. I usually head for the section with the rough size I’m looking for and grab whatever I can, waiting until I get home to discover River’s future wardrobe. But I must admit, if I would be able to score a winter jacket next week, I would definitely not mind passing this jacket along to another tot.

Verbal streak

This is such a fun period. In the past months and weeks and now days, River’s vocabulary has been growing at an astounding pace. Now he has a pretty impressive range of communication, with the ability to use verbs, to be specific about what he wants, and his favorite – to point out and comment upon everything he sees.

For me, it’s a wonderful window into his mind. I can see that cars, trains, trees, dry leaves, people, vehicles, lights, birds, dogs, animals, the sky, sun and moon, food and noises make him the majority of his thoughts. Now that he’s found the power of communicating, sometimes his thoughts run more quickly than his ability to speak and the words blend together in a jumble of eagerness to leave his mouth, causing us to laugh.

One side effect of this is that he gives his high-pitched eager commentary in the same way when we are in public as when we are home. So when we went to the tiny local natural foods store this evening, he was a babbling away in Spanish – Pears, River wants pears. Oh carrots. Let’s get carrots. The squash is heavy. But River is strong. Yogurt! A little yogurt. For River. Ok! River wants to eat the banana. Can we take off the peel? Pay for it? Eat it please?

The cuteness of the high-pitched dialogue in such an unexperienced voice would probably draw attention regardless of the language. But I think that people end up staring a bit longer when they realize he is not speaking English and he doesn’t look foreign. Several people smiled kindly at us, others looked with curiosity.

I’m proud that he’s able to communicate in another language and I hope that people seeing what a 25 month old can do with Spanish will encourage them to try a second tongue for themselves or their children. At the same time, I’m a little worried about what is going to happen when River intuits these looks. Will he feel ashamed? Will he lower his voice? Will he be hesitant to speak Spanish? Will he wonder what the heck his mom is doing?

The best I can do is to build the language base as much as possible before that happens and to do my best to find friends and environments for him where he can speak Spanish safely. It will be an inevitable challenge. But in the meantime, I’m enjoying the innocence and the beauty of him exploring his local environment in a foreign language.

Bye bye diapers

River has been doing quite well with the potty at home recently. In the past few weeks, he has been giving us advance notice of when he needs to go. When we ask him if he wants to go potty, he’ll often say yes when he has something. So I think it’s about time to try to get rid of the diapers entirely during the daytime (sleeptime is another matter. He still supersoaks them regularly. I read that kids can’t hold it at night until their brain starts producing a certain chemical, so we’ll leave that one on hold for a while).

I took him out of town over the three-day weekend, during which we used disposables. I noticed that he was much more willing to pee his pants in the disposables compared to the cloth. I’d repeatedly ask him if he needed to go potty, he’d say no, and then I’d later find a full diaper. That doesn’t happen with the cloth diapers, probably because it’s so uncomfortable to wear all that pee against the skin.

It’s a little risky to make the jump right after a couple of days in disposables. I expect we'll have at least a few accidents. But I'll give it a month and see how it goes. I'm most concerned about excursions in public. That is really where we're making the leap b/c he's been doing quite well at home for a while now, but we always put on a diaper when we go out. It doesn’t help that the library story room floor is carpeted. The plan is to give him an opportunity to go before we leave, bring along a towel (to clean up accidents), a plastic bag and a spare pair of pants. Perhaps I’ll also carry the Bjorn potty along, since he’s still not comfortable going on a big potty seat.

I wanted to make the transition clear to him. So when he woke up this morning, I told him he was a big boy now, so we’d be saying goodbye to the diapers in the daytime. I asked him to help me put the diapers into a bag to put away. He did so, we filled the bag, and I carried it out of the room. It took about two minutes.

I think removing the diapers (we left the power diapers for sleep time) is as much for our benefit as his. Without them there, we can’t resort to them if we start to struggle a bit. It means we all have to be committed to helping River make his big boy transition work, because there is no fall back.

Lessons learned from day three of road trip with toddler

1. It got easier with each day. I must have been learning something, or we must have learned to mutually accommodate each other. It was a constant that I was exhausted at the end of the day though and didn’t get much personal time.

2. I realized that I can be in charge for 24 hours a day for a few days in a row. I can do it at the sacrifice of personal time. Also, it helped that I didn’t have any household responsibilities to take care of. If I was taking care of him and responsible for normal household duties, I think I’d end up spending a lot of time distracting him so that I could get things done, and the quality of our time spent together would be significantly lower.

3. I noticed several intellectual advances this weekend (successful counting five objects, singing almost the whole ABCs, telling me I did in fact have keys (the car keys) when I said I was locked out of the house). I wonder whether this came from the intense time together and the variety of new exposures, or whether I was just noticing because I was spending more time with him.

4. When there is only one adult around, it’s especially challenging to make use of the down time (ie. nap and sleep times). With two adults, one can stay with him while the other gets some exercise, goes to the store, or does whatever they want to do that requires adult focus. With one, I’m forced to sit around and then to include him in my errands when he is awake. It’s tougher that way.

5. It’s refreshing to get away, to let the emails build up, and to not be concerned with the day to day stresses and pressures. Even if getting away includes taking care of a toddler all day. It’s nice to focus on what is important.

6. I’m glad I did this. He got out of his usual groove and I think it stretched his mind and range of experiences, even if he won’t remember anything. I will remember all the special moments with him, and I explored some new areas.

7. I’m very, very grateful for a loving husband who shares responsibilities and makes sure we both get the personal time that makes us sane.

Lessons learned from day two of road trip with toddler

1. Places where kids can run around and touch stuff are priceless.

2. A good nap at the normal time makes things much easier.

3. It’s very easy to fall into an all white-carb all the time diet. Pretzels, pancakes, bread? OK, whatever keeps you happy.

4. My tolerance for Barney music is fairly high (at least compared with my husband’s). But it is not infinite.

5. I have pretty high expectations for a toddler (friends said they didn’t take their toddler out to dinner for four years). Perhaps I should be happy that I can take him out to dinner and not sweat it if he doesn’t behave perfectly.

6. The small moments – jumping together on the bed, singing the ABCs together in the car, exploring a particularly intriguing science exhibit together – are the most special.

First trip to a science museum

Today River paid his first visit to a science museum and LOVED it. We were the first people to arrive when the museum opened at 12, so we initially had the place to ourselves.

In the preschool room, River got to put chocolate chunks into pretend cookies and count the pieces. He got to play with unusual shaped large soft blocks and he got to look at shells under a magnifying glass. He was thrilled to sit on a chair and to experience the backwards motion that happens when two people push their feet against each other. He saw what happens to liquid when it is spun rapidly, he saw how water erodes particles, he saw how a ball reacts to vacuum pressure and he got a close up look at starfish and crabs. He smiled so much in the hour and a half we were there. It was one novel experience after another and he was so enthusiastic, he threw a nice tantrum when it was time to leave.

My only regret is that I was reminded that my knowledge of the principles behind many of the exhibits is lacking. I hope I’ll have the chance to rebuild that knowledge as he goes to school or begins to explore and ask. I’ll appreciate the opportunity to learn this time and I’ll value the information more. I find myself very excited about his future education. Not only am I looking forward to him acquiring knowledge about what surrounds him, but I’m looking forward to learning along the way too.

what makes a good hotel changes with life stages

I’m sitting on the hard floor of the hotel bathroom waiting for River to take his nap. I’ve been here for well over an hour and it’s just recently become quiet. So I’m hoping he has fallen asleep and will thus be in a good enough mood for us to be able to enjoy dinner with friends tonight.

When I was young and poor and adventurous, my idea of a good hotel was someplace really cheap and reasonably safe. If there was free breakfast, that was a bonus. I didn’t care so much about location as I only came to the hotel to crash. I was exploring the rest of the day.

When I dated Mark long-distance and we had to meet up in countries located halfway between us, I started to value a little more of the romantic element, as well as privacy. Now, a Jacuzzi was a bonus. Mark wants central location, so I started to get used to being able to walk from the hotel and easily get to all of the local attractions.

Now, traveling with a toddler, I’d say location is definitely key. There is a lot more freedom if one is able to walk out the door and see and do things, rather than have to bundle the kid into a car. Now, the big bonus is either an extra room, or a situation in which I can feel safe leaving him alone in the room and hanging out in a pleasant lobby. If neither of those are possible, than a bathroom or a closet sufficiently large enough to put a travel crib in is a bonus. Since I have neither now, the entire room is River’s and I’m relegated to the bathroom floor. Oh well, as long as there is a nap and I have a little bit of quiet time, I guess I’m OK with ceramic tile.

Lessons I’m learning from day one of roadtrip with toddler

Yes mom, this is Buddha. Remember zen?


1. Toddler may well be psyched to see the wolves, but he will not last beyond a small fraction of a one hour tour.

2. Time outs in the crib work well at home. But I am struggling with how to discipline while on the road. Especially while out in public on the road. Instead, I take in many disapproving looks when my toddler doesn’t listen to me and I spend much of the day chasing him.

3. Singing songs together in the car on the way to a destination is very special quality time.

4. If naptime doesn’t happen, you are screwed, no matter what you do.

5. Have a supply of water, snacks and Hot Wheels on hand, at all times.

6. Having a second room is a huge bonus. If that’s not available, a B&B with an attractive lobby is a good substitute.

7. Free homebaked goods, hot beverages and a Jacuzzi can soothe the stresses of the roughest day.

8. DO NOT OVERPLAN. Lower expectations. Yes, we’ll see wolves. But no, I won’t be able to actually listen to anything the tour guide says. Many people have pressed me to slow down my pace in the past. Perhaps my toddler will finally force me to change.

Nothing makes my day more than a kid-friendly cafe

We’d had a long napless day. I didn’t get a chance for a real lunch and it was looking like I wouldn’t get dinner either. I didn’t think River would last through a meal.

I went into The Chocolate Café in Lititz. River seemed happy when he came across a selection of life-sized stuffed dogs.

“Are these toys?” I asked an employee, as River pulled them out.

“Yes, and we have some cars and trucks over here,” she said.

She made my day. It was OK for River to play, to roll around on the floor and to be a kid. This meant that we could actually have a meal without the struggle of keeping him in a seat and occupied for an hour.

The waitstaff didn’t seem to mind stepping over stuffed animals, cars or a mobile toddler. I was so grateful. The fact that the food was delicious and healthy was a bonus. Thanks to those establishments that make it easier to enjoy a meal and to relax a bit by providing a space for children to be kids.

Disciplining a Two Year Old in Public

When we have discipline problems at home, I use SuperNanny’s usual method – a warning, followed by two minutes in time out (in his crib, so he can’t get out or get into anything), followed by an explanation of why he was in there and a hug.

But what to do when one is not at home? I had issues with River not listening to me today. I won’t make empty threats because I think that will make things tougher in the long run. If I threaten something, I have to follow through. I could make a naughty area, but it’s hard to explain to a two-year-old that they have to stay in one place, and then to enforce it while other people are looking (and perhaps 2-year-old is screaming and annoying said others).

Without any effective discipline measures, I felt like I was receiving a lot of disapproving looks. At one point, when he threw a piece of coal on a tour for a second time (after receiving a warning) I left the tour with him (which was more of a punishment for me than for him) and put him in a time out on a bench. He couldn’t get down from the bench, so he did stay there. But he called out “Down! Down! Down!” for almost the entire two minutes and I’m sure people were wondering why I wasn’t responding.

I’m sure many others have dealt with this before. How do you keep your toddler in line when you are in public? How do you enforce the home rules (Ie. you must listen to your mother) outside the home? How do you deal with the reactions you get from others?

future handyman

A few months ago, we got a Home Depot workbench on freecycle. It was a nightmare to pick up. Our car broke down on the way to go get it and another pickup fell through as well. But the lady giving it away was very patient with us.

I’m glad because it’s so fun to watch River play with it. He has entered the stage of more imaginative, creative, complicated play, in which he tells me his remnant of bread is a boat in the ocean or he’s summiting a mountain as he climbs the giant bean bag.

He used to not do much with the workbench. But last night, he put on the goggles, took apart the bird house, helped me drill it back together, then used the wrench and screwdriver to pull up bolts and unscrew screws.

It’s such a joy to see the development of real skills. And with my handy brother 20 hours away, we need a handyman around the house. It would be great if River wanted to learn those skills!

The fear of loss

I watched a disturbing, but intriguing and well done film tonight about a man who tries to reenter civilian life as an organ player after serving time for killing a young boy. Among the scenes were the mother, coming out from the café where she’d left her sleeping son in a stroller and not finding him. And a scene with the man, coming out from school and not being able to find a boy he was caring for. Both of them caused such feelings of anxiety.

I had one brief moment like that. While we were in the library and I was in the midst of the self-checkout of books, River ran away from me. Initially, I didn’t worry too much. It’s a safe place and there is only one way out and I was near that exit. Yet, when I was able to get away from the counter, leaving my purse and books there, I didn’t see him. I looked up the stairs, around the area and towards the exit, but nothing. I paused, expecting I’d hear his voice, but nothing. Minor panic set in. If I went into the library, he could run out the exit without me seeing. So I went to the exit first. But there was a huge crowd of people attending a film festival and the area was packed. What if one of them was evil and grabbed him? What if he’d gotten out the series of doors to the street?

I thought about asking the library staff member near the exit if he’d seen a toddler come by. But I was too ashamed. That would be admitting that I’d let him out of sight. I imagined a scene in which he was missing and I’d failed to enlist help immediately because I was too ashamed. It was brief, but horrible. Finally he came out from some bookshelves, happily toddling over to me in his overlarge leather jacket.

The fear of the world was lifted in the embrace of love. What a horrible thing to lose a child. A couple of minutes is terrifying. I really feel for anyone who experiences it for longer.

Mom and toddler roadtrip

1/12/10 mom and toddler roadtrip

When I found out that I have MLK day off, I immediately wanted to take advantage of the three-day weekend. I don’t have another paid holiday until the end of May. Mark is still tired from the holiday travel. I didn’t mind. I figured it might be fun to take a road trip with my baby, and dad will appreciate the gift of a few days of silent time alone at home.

I was so excited by the prospect that I couldn’t concentrate the first day at all. Instead, I scanned websites, trying to figure out where to go. A place in Vermont that provided free childcare while I skied looked great, but I was nervous to drive snowy mountain roads alone in our unreliable car. I was attracted to the warmth of more southern locales, but the drive was too long and the flight too expensive. I started to look at nearby options, but I felt the number of places I hadn’t been to already was growing steadily smaller. And it had to be interesting to a two year old.

I decided first upon a Wolf Sanctuary I’d heard of and wanted to visit for a while. I tentatively thought of some other nearby destinations, but upon contacting friends in the area, I changed directions. Right now, the itinerary for our three day excursion includes visit to a wolf sanctuary, a science center, a color crayon center and visits with three friends. I’m splurging on a suite in a bed and breakfast the first night (this is the only room where they’d accept a child, though they gave me a discount since I originally inquired about the cheapest room). On the second night, we’ll stay in a chain that gets good reviews and has an indoor swimming pool.

I find that I’m really excited about the trip, almost as much as if I was going to do something like hiking or skiing. I’m looking forward to the nice hotels, to trying new restaurants, to seeing friends, to spending quality adventure time with my baby, to creating memories, and hopefully, to exposing him to fun new experiences.

I imagine him sleeping well and me having quiet time to myself in a large comfy bed at night. I’m fighting hard against my natural tendency to overschedule and I imagine he’ll behave just fine through the morning activities and lunch, then take a nice nap in the hotel that will allow us to check in early enough for naptime. Of course, these may all be illusions. I might end up being an exhausted wreck at the end who gratefully brings River back to dad at the end.

I think what I’m most excited about is that since our last trip as a twosome (to Panama, when he was six months old), he is now able to take in the trip for himself. He can walk, explore, appreciate new sights and experiences and share some of his thoughts and impressions with me. It’s now more of a joint endeavor. And that makes me very eager to go.

What do you do about yelling?

A corollary of the toddler behavior mentioned below has been a decent amount of yelling this week. If he’s demanding something, we’ll normally insist that he ask for it with a please or por favor before we give it to him. We tell him to speak in a lower voice. But in general, we’re kind of at a loss on how to deal with the yelling.

I’ve seen Supernanny list “no yelling” as a rule. Yelling then becomes grounds for a time out. I think that makes sense, but I find yelling a little more challenging to deal with than other behavior. If he throws a car, I can give him a warning. If you throw a car again, you’ll be going to the crib. He knows what that means and usually stops. But it’s hard to give a warning for yelling because once he’s done it, he’s usually in a state in which he’s not really hearing my warning. And then I wonder, where is the line between misbehaving and him expressing his feelings in his Neanderthal way?

During the terrible tantrum, I did give him a timeout and it wasn’t too specific. A kind of general misbehavior timeout. Two minutes later, when I took him out, he had completely calmed down and we had no further issues. Perhaps he just needed some space and time to cool off.

But since the times when the yelling occurs tend to be more stressful moments, Mark and I would like to have a unified strategy in advance. Any tips on how to react to yelling at this age (25 months)?

My Buddy

I’m having so much fun with River these days. He’s capable of imagination, of mischief, of games, of remembering. When he plays with me, I see love and admiration shine through his eyes. This evening he played a game of trying to lick my feet. I’d move my feet out of the way and he’d go after them again, sometimes tickling them, as he giggled heartily. I tried to think ahead 15 years and how he won’t want to be anywhere near my feet then. But why think ahead to what won’t be instead of enjoying what is? Right now he idolizes me. I can see how parents can get high from that. Because there is no one else in the world who has that high of an opinion of me.

He heard me fart for the first time. “Salio gas,” I said, meaning gas was expelled. “Salio gas,” he repeated with a mischievious grin. “Salio gas,” he said again, looking at me as though I was his buddy, conniving with him in fun and gentle misbehavior. These are the beautiful moments of parenthood.