12 weeks

If I had to go back to work at 12 weeks, I’d be starting again on Monday. I suppose I could do it if it was necessary. I’m not fully recovered physically, but am certainly functional. Perhaps more time out of the house would mean more exercise, less eating, more intellectual stimulation, and an overall physical and mental return to who I am when not a full-time mom.

However, I’m really glad I’m not going back Monday or anytime too soon. Mainly because I think it would be difficult and stressful to continue breastfeeding. The fact that I have only four bags of milk in the freezer is not of much concern to me now. But it would be if I was going back to work on Monday.

I’m also enjoying the quiet pace of life and the lack of demands, other than the repeated demands of a toddler, which admittedly, can get on one’s nerves. I like being able to attend various talks and community events. Now that the weather will hopefully be improving, I’m looking forward to spending more time outside.

Willow has also just entered the moderately interactive stage, where she can react to things, such as seeing herself in the mirror and laughing, or cracking up every time I take a bite of pancake and say mmmmmm. These extended, happy interactions are such a joy that I want to be able to experience them throughout the day. That doesn’t mean I need to be with her every minute, but I like having at least a dose of her soft warm skin, her lavender scent, her light, beautiful laugh, every few hours. We’re moving beyond the love and care for her because of genetics, hormones and survival to developing a deeper, overwhelming love based more on an appreciation for who she is.

Since I don’t have more than a few hours of free time any particular day, it’s nice for my goals to be modest – such as getting a certain number of steps, writing a tiny bit, reading when possible, and perhaps attacking a household or nesting task. Maybe I’ll even start cooking again soon. Now that I’m eating sugar again, I checked the Gourmet Cookie Book out of the library and will finally try to arrange a cookie baking day with River.

I have 2.3 more months to continue this lifestyle, then we’ll have a month on the road. That trip will be probably provide such copious amounts of family time that I might well look forward to going back to work 10 days after we return.