Pregnancy week 32

I struggle on a daily basis to stay conscious at work. This is no fun. I don’t want to be the pregnant lady passed out in the hallway.

Continued trouble sleeping means I’m taking a Tylenol pm on an almost nightly basis. I feel bad about this. My doctor reassures me that the benefits outweigh the risks. “You will only get heavier and your body will work harder and be more tired as the pregnancy progresses,” he said. “You need to get sleep while you can.” I know he’s right. Having been through it before, I feel my body needs every ounce of sleep and relaxation it can store. Yet I still wish it didn’t require medication.

My aversion to being on my back is so severe I couldn’t even stand lying on my back for 2-3 minutes while the doctor measured my uterus. I read somewhere this affects 8% of women.

I’m starting to wonder how long I want to keep working. A desire to stay busy and active, as well as bring in some income while I can, makes me want to keep going. A desire to rest more regularly and to spend more time cooking, cleaning and reading makes me want to stop. I was reassured to hear my doctor say that most of his patients stop at 36 or 37 weeks. My employer wants people to work to 38 weeks, but I’m no longer sure I’ll make it that long.

My mind is satisfied with rather menial things. I have to break complicated or analytical tasks down into small pieces and accomplish them over several days. I’m strangely content with a list of errands or organizational tasks.

I miss my husband. Due to my sleeping and back-lying issues, he is permanently relegated to the couch. I expected we’d be apart for several months after the birth, allowing at least one of us to get some sleep. I didn’t expect it to start several months beforehand.

I continue to count down, but feel some accomplishment at the 40 days that have passed since I started counting down. The upcoming holidays will hopefully provide distractions.

River is so calm and chipper and cheery about the prospect of the baby. It doesn’t seem to phase him at all. He is the complete zen-master of people entering and exiting his life. It is how I would like to be. He enjoys them while they are there, but doesn’t miss them when they are gone. No one’s absence or presence affects his ability to be happy with his own existence. I hope that quality stays with him.