Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Weird stuff

I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant. We haven’t gotten to the part of actually trying. Though we are in the realm of a surprise being possible. Which partially makes me happy. But mostly makes me feel guilty, since I’m loaded up on antibiotics and Mark is taking a medication. Before a planned try, I’d rather eliminate the drugs in our system. But if it happens, it happens.

Anyway, for someone who doesn’t quite want to be pregnant yet, I’m doing weird things. Like looking online at maternity clothes and coming seriously close to buying some. Like looking up baby names. Like taking a breast pump that was offered on freecycle.

The kind of things that I’m going to feel really stupid about if I end up not being able to get pregnant. Though so far, I’ve still (barely) refrained from actual purchases, which I think would be the most regrettable thing to do. For now, I’m just wasting time when I could and should be doing something more productive. Transitioning myself, perhaps, into the mind of a woman ready for a number two.

On the more positive sign side, I do think that River now, at 28 months, is probably ready to handle a sibling. I think it would have been hard to predict that in advance, to count backward to 28 minus 9 to time a second sibling for when it would affect him less. I’m still glad we didn’t because even if he’s ready now, I’m not necessarily ready for two at this moment. But I’m getting to where I could make myself ready nine months from now. River is becoming a little man, independent and engaged with the world and other children. I think even now he might appreciate another playmate. By the time he’s three, hopefully he’ll both welcome a new playmate and have enough going on his life to not fully feel the effects of no longer being the sole recipient of parental attention.

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